Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Ouch my wallet!

I have one of those wallets that has grown into a small filing cabinet that you keep in your back pocket. If you back aches, you may have one of these. My chiropractic brother encouraged me to not sit on this wallet all day long as has been my habit. So I went through a long period of leaving the house and driving around town without my driver's license since my driver's license was in my wallet sitting on my desk.

One day this year I found myself speeding around town trying to make appointments in a vehicle that had no insurance, expired tags, without my driver's license, low on gas and with no money. Murph let me off that time.

So I adjusted my habit and now if I take my wallet out of my pocket I put my keys with it. Can't leave the house without the keys and if the keys are with the wallet I won't forget the wallet. One caveat... where the blazes are my keys?!

From the mouths of babes

Evan's first word!
So Evan is 4 days old now. I'm holding him and Amy is at my side. Evan sneezes. I respond, "Bless you!" and Evan makes a sound. I chuckle to myself thinking, "that sounded like 'bless you'" then Amy says, "Evan said 'bless you'!"

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Friday, May 27, 2005

In nursery. Healthy and alert!

Granny holds evan

Grand daddy holds evan

Tommy holds evan

Amy holds evan

Sarah holds evan

7 pounds 3 ounces

9cm. 5 minute countdown

Amy back in her birthbed. Yes, same room!



Gave in and got epidural

Baby likely within the hour. 4cm. 7 minute contractions

Baby within the hour probably


Being admitted. 3cm. Evan comes tonight probably before 8pm.

Being monitored. Check djuggler on phlog.com for picture.

At er waiting on wheel chair to gourstairs

Having a baby!

And so the epic begins today!

From the mouths of babes

Amy: "Is it not hot?"
Dad: "Do you like to dance?"
Amy: "Why yes I do!"

Thursday, May 26, 2005


Nude Chainsaw Juggler

That reminds me of one of my own juggling experiences. I once lived in a building that had 4 apartments in it. If you were facing the building mine was on the lower right. The neighbors directly above me were a nice, very straight-laced, professional couple and the two apartments on the other side of the building changed tenants rapidly. Behind the apartment was a huge, flat backyard, large enough for football games, with dense trees separating the yard from the neighborhood behind the apartments and two farms were on the sides.

I enjoyed the yard much. It was good for practicing clubs but I only once ever practiced torches in that yard.

When I decided to purchase a house I started shopping around for loans. Turns out the wife of the upstairs neighbor worked in the loan department of a bank I used. While we were discussing income sources I was grasping for every possible dime and mentioned that I occasionally juggle for money. She lit up and said, "Oh! I saw you juggle torches the other night!" Nothing more was said of the juggling but I had to laugh pretty hard once I left the office. See, at the time my drinking had slowed but my college habit was still to drink to excess. That one time which I juggled torches in that yard I had become quite inebriated and in my drunkness was juggling torches completely nude.

Today's Wisdom

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.

Save your freedom!

You currently have the freedom to speak.. Time to use that freedom!
If you are a resident of Kansas, Utah, Ohio, Missouri, Maine, Nebraska, Georgia, Virginia, West Virginia, Michigan, California, Oregon, Indiana, Maryland, or New Jersey, your senator is on the committee reviewing this bill in a closed session on Thursday. Don't let it get out committee. Write your senator to oppose the bill today!"

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

To snip, or not to snip

That is the question. I tried to place myself in my son's shoes but he doesn't have any yet and that's good because I have a feeling passing a baby through the birth canal is difficult enough without footwear. So I imagined him entering the world and crying at the sudden coldness and disquieting quantity of elbow room. Immediately after he begins to pull himself together he catches a glimpse of his cone shaped head in the mirror, laughs in a surprisingly awkward way, glances at Mom's breast and declares, "must consume large quantities!" Then his foot is painfully pricked and bent as some of his precious blood is stolen away. Then I imagined the circumcision. After recovering consciousness I thought about it again. Arising from passing out a second time I wisely decided not to think about it anymore.

Of Grasshoppers

Student: I see my full potential but cannot grab it.
Master: To grab, you must first let go.

It's time to leave

I think I'm going to visit Colorado and Australia and then consider moving away from Knoxville, TN.

Lost Found

AP has a great article discussing the locations in which Lost is filmed. With taunts such as
At the end of a road cutting past a small airfield and another ranch along Oahu’s North Shore is the former site of show’s crash site, long since packed away.
I find myself desiring to travel to Hawaii and check it out. Wes Grotjan is quoted "I feel I'm kind of in on the joke that I get to see a lot of these places." I can almost relate. When I lived in Kenner, Louisanna I camped out as a scout at the location where Killer Bees nest was filmed (that was the film where the Volkswagon drove into the Superdome and they froze the bees with the airconditioning. I also camped a the location where one of the James Bond films was made (the one Bond drives his boat through a wedding). I was born in Wilmington, NC where Stephen King, starting with Fire Starter, films all his movies. It's not the same as what Wes Grotjan experiences but I can imagine how it must feel seeing the locations on screen and off screen.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

I, Asshole

"Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Fear is the path to the dark side." -Yoda

Have you ever been truly angry? I mean so angry that all you see is that flash of white. You don't see the person or people at whom you are yelling. You don't see your environment. You can barely hear the words coming from your mouth. And the part that gets your ire the absolute most is that no matter what you do or how hard you try you just can't stop yourself.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Of Grasshoppers

Student: Is there life after death?
Master: Perhaps you should ask Websters instead of me.

Why he isn't here

I've figured it out! My boy is waiting until I've picked up his journal! For Amy I started a book of letters the day she was born. I swore to write to her once a day. I ended up skipping an entire year. I also wanted a book for each of the children. I'm revamping that and getting each child their own book. I plan to pick a time once a week that I use to sit down and review the week with each child in their book.

I have not bought Evan's book yet so he can't come. I'll fix that today.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Time for me

I took a little time for me. Now you can make a suggestion for the improvement of TN Lottery Results.

Lost the calm

Calm is gone.
Focus shot.
Everybody wants
What I ain't got.
Made mistakes.
Done my time.
Get off my ass
Leave the past behind.
Man of character
Beat to indignation.
Losing all hope
Of sanctification.
Want the best
For my children.
But what kind of example
Is a man in ruin?

When a grown man cries
The tears burn like steam
Washing away all his dreams.
Life is too short for mistakes.
One screwup and you're obliterated.
Our world is unforgiving.
Hatred, greed unending.
I try to give and give and give.
They take and take and take.
Where's karma now?
When's it come around?
Have I not paid for my sins?
Could I not have a new beginning?
What curse is bestowed upon me?
How can the burden be lifted?
I thought I was good
It makes me sad
To realise I'm so bad.

This error is getting old

Error Caused By Hewlett-Packard Company: No Specific Solution Found

Problem Description

An analyst at Microsoft has investigated this problem and determined that an unknown error occurred in Hewlett-Packard Printer Driver. This software was created by Hewlett-Packard Company.

Problem Resolution

Microsoft has researched this problem with Hewlett-Packard Company, and they do not currently have a solution for the problem that you reported. Below is a list of recommendations to take that may help prevent the problem from recurring.

Contact Hewlett-Packard Company for support or product updates.
Additional Information

If this problem continues to occur with the latest product updates for Hewlett-Packard Printer Driver, we recommend you obtain assistance and troubleshooting information directly from Hewlett-Packard Company.

For more help and information about how to troubleshoot and fix common errors on your computer, please see the Microsoft Online Crash Analysis: Help, Support, and Tools article.
Looks like I need a new driver for my HP Photosmart 1115

I task myself

I shall light some incense, put on programming music, refill my cup o' joe and program for 1 hour on a specific project without so much as a single drift of thought to anything else. My reward shall be time spent on my own website.

Struggling for Calm

For the past several days the thoughts in my mind have been like a New York subway at rush hour. Everything non-congruent. Nothing contiguous. It's made working very difficult.

The thoughts are frequently useless. I spent what felt like several hours in bed this morning half way between sleep and awake thinking of the Year 2000 bug and how to fix it. For the life of me I could not get away from such ridiculous thinking.
A throb. A blur.
What was I thinking?
On task until that sound I heard.
I digress. What got us here?
Can't remember something
Only moments ago.
Came for reason
But now don't know.
Want desperately to concentrate!
Need completion to feel whole.
So little to do, so much time.
It's ok to have a wandering mind.
No! Strike that. Reverse it.
I need a second life.
Can't reach my goals
Amidst this strife!
I'm a caffiend.
Don't know if it helps
Or hurts. And that's the worst.
Drink the evil anyway.
For those moments of brewing
I'm focused in a peculiar way.
While the brew is made
I know what to do.
If nothing else makes sense,
pick up the cup and sip, sip, sip.

Today I began to seek calm by forcing myself to do some stretching. I will give my self specific obtainable goals today and stay on them. Concentration can be trained! My wife wisely advises "be in the moment" and that is going to be my primary focus.

Her advise came during a dinner conversation last night during which we had the pleasure of eatting together without children and I seemed to be wandering. She asked, "what are you thinking right now?" I had to reply that I was thinking several things at once. 1) The lake I could see from Tijuana Taco was beautiful 2) I'm a lousy provider for my family 3)I want to build a service website 4) ... I can't remember but there were about 3 other simultaneous thoughts all which I could do nothing about at that moment. It does not pay to tax the brain with things outside of your control.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Clean Car

Wow. I'm sore. I just spent a bunch of time outside helping Sarah and Noah clean the inside of the car. It's much improved! I bet we gain some horsepower and a little better gas mileage considering the amount of filth that has been removed.

The redneck police cited me though explaining that if such behavior continues my redneck license will be endanger of being revoked.

The baby must be coming!

Amy just announced out of the blue "I'm going to be a big sister!"

From the mouths of babes

Oh wow! Amy's in rare form today! She just sung for about 4 minutes straight all the while telling stories in her lyrics. "Noah watched a movie on my bed" la la la "I smell da flowers" la la la "There's a monster" la la la

Hopefully I got a short film of this.

Friday, May 20, 2005


My next and last child is due today. We have been hoping he would come for the past 2 weeks. Of course the paperwork has not, and may still not, be in order. I'd feel a lot better if I could pay the $2700 up front fees requested by the hospital. I fear since we may enter as "those cash people that we will never see money from" that we will not be treated as well as the insured or weathly. It's a very wrong mindset as the bills will be paid. If all goes well, our insurance paperwork went through yesterday or goes through today however it could take up to 30 days.

I hate the thought that my son may be disadvantaged because of his treatment in the hospital just because I've made too little money. My bad choices are now costing my family. We need a van and much work to the house. I need a haircut. We need groceries.

On the positive side I feel more order in my life. I have closure to several things including client projects and personal burdens. I need some more closure! And a few new beginnings.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Mondo Progress!

I've made great strides in clearing up some support issues for a client today. I like getting things done. In that view, Tim contributes the following enlightenment on inner peace:
This is something we can all use and benefit from, as we all need more calm in our lives.

By following the simple advice heard on the Dr.Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr.Phil's way to inner peace, is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things that I had started and hadn't finished, and before leaving for work this morning, I finished off a bottle of merlot, a bottle of chardonnay,a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a packet of TimTams, the rest of the cheesecake, a box of chocolates,and the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions. You have no idea how freaking good I feel!!!!

Quote of the Day

A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn't feel like it.
- Alistair Cooke

Are you a bad neighbor?

Check out this government sponsored humiliation!

I know some people are inherently bad but might situation contribute to some of these bad neighbors? Instead of chiding them online might humanitarian effort be better spent organizing a work party to help get these bad neighbors back on their feet. Perhaps that technique is used once and if they slip again then we resort to the humiliation. Granted, some of these folks have received multiple citations but a piece of paper does not lift one from their troubles.

I know when my world collapsed in 2000 and my garbage service abruptly ended that my trash was just plopped on the driveway and began to decompose. I had a pile that would have impressed Arlo Gutherie and Alice and should have been setting off contamination sensors in Oak Ridge. No number of citations would have encouraged me to get out of bed and address the trash. When I finally broke out of my depression and started taking the trash to the dump it probably took 12 trips using my 4x8 trailer.

My point is that people sometimes fall into bad situations. We have volunteers that get together and build homes for Habitat for Humanity. Imagine what a similar effort could do for our communities by addressing issues such as these. I know if 20 people showed up at my house one weekend I could accomplish what I have failed to do in 7 years (if I had the materials).

Home Office Parent

As a home office worker learning to prioritize is critical. Thanks to Stephen R Covey

I keep my stress low when the children need attention at the same time I am trying to reach a goal. When I try to compete between the child and work by redirecting her or trick her into leaving me alone I'm faced with interuption upon interuption; however, if I take some time away from my work and invest some quality time with the child, we both have a rewarding time and her need for attention is fulfilled enough for me to return to some solid work.

This morning Amy and I played a fun game of memory. She did really well! Now she watches Sesame Street while I work but I must admit the television drags me in sometimes.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Ah the day!

Man I was exhausted today! The Internet connection problem became very bad. Comcast seems confused as to how to address it but the issue is running up the flag pole. I've become that "Oh, we've heard about you" customer.

I received a letter from DHS requesting more paperwork with a "we must turn you down unless received by ____" letter so my afternoon was spent photocopying and compiling financial information. That's a good thing. It's forced me to move forward with my impending tax deadline. I've become organized and really gotten on the stick with somethings that have loomed over my head for quite a while.

The Connection Problem Saga

So the Comcast technician came out again yesterday and said, "Everything at your house is fine. It's up to the line guys now." When prompted about changing out the modem he implied that it wouldn't do any good. He also said it was a coincidence that the splitter made any difference that Comcast's "equipment is designed for their system." Apparently today the line guys will be out to look at the wires on the poles. Let's hope they find a problem and fix it because this is beginning to impact my work.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Roles for Reasons

As I grow older and wiser I begin to understand that there is a reason the man leaves the house at 7am for the office and returns home at 6pm after working 8-5.

Of Grasshoppers

Student: I'd like to be someone that I'm not.
Master: You are whom you choose to be.

Oh the Peace!

I sat on the porch for a view to give the dog time to do her business. She chose to stay on the porch and stare at the cat. However, it gave me a moment to thoroughly enjoy the stillness of the night. At 3:30am it was particularly quiet. Only 1 cricket chirped. Only one a/c unit hummed in the distance and it was almost inaudible. Briefly one car was heard then none. For a moment something fell through a distant tree and a critter complained. Then absolute silence. The sky was clear and the stars were strong yet they would have been stronger without the light polution of two neighbors' porch lights. Why must those lights be on whilst they sleep?

I like the early mornings on the porch. Often I feel I could sleep there nicely. Its a good way to start the day.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Health concerns

I'm worried about my teeth. I'm worried about my wife's teeth. I'm worried about my toddler's teeth.

Evening Productivity Music

Alright! Got my incense burning, candle lit and Jimmy humming tunes. This evening: Beach House on the Moon


2004 taxes provisionally done! Paperwork to insurance people filed. Cross your fingers and we deliver this baby with insurance!

Audio Pleasure for taxes

Listening to Levellers - A weapon called the Word


Put Amy down for nap. Fixed lunch for self. Ate Amy's lunch.

Firefighting Done

Debugged an issue on a released site. Client happy.

Focus totally on 2004 taxes.

Listening for calm

Today's audio pleasure for relaxation and productivity is Sting: Mercury Falling

Of Grasshoppers

Student: I am no longer the person I once was.
Master: Of course not, for that person has not grown.

Project Complete

Yesterday I knocked out a side project for a friend. It was very nice as the project was from scratch and I was able to program to web standards using a totally tableless design. That means I marked up the site using proper HTML and CSS.

Insurance would be nice

Sometimes I just really, really miss having insurance. I'd really like to have an eye exam and a new pair of glasses. I'd really like a dermatologist to look at a couple of moles. My wife would really like me to have some day surgery.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Selfish time

Right now I want to do anything except program. I really want to lounge, nap, read a book, write a letter or just something selfish and relaxing.

I've been down

and up and down and up and down. About 5 months ago a tree fell on the lines at the end of the road missing the power but stretching the phone and cable without breaking them. The line crews came out and retensioned the wires. Now when it rains, our Comcast Internet connection seems flaky. Coincidence? Maybe.

After several calls and 2 tech visits to the house I may have figured out the problem. On one phone call a wise technician suggested that "your splitter might be going bad" I finally spent $15 on a really nice ChannelPlus 2514a splitter/combiner and went into the attic only to find I don't have a splitter. Turns out the splitter is in the sealed box on the outside of the house which the last technician kindly left unlocked for me. During his call he proclaimed that "your signal is too good!" and switched the Internet to the -7.5db lead putting the television on the -3.5db lead. Tech magic. Discussions with the tech and a couple of other people led me to belief I'd been taken by Shields on the splitter.

This morning the Internet connection was down worse than ever. I got frustrated and may a support call for a visit on Tuesday morning. With nothing else to do I went outside an replaced the old generic splitter with the new ChannelPlus splitter and in minutes the Internet was back and working seemlessly. Apparently, splitters do go bad and you do get what you pay for!

Now, do I replace my RCA cable modem with a Motorola come Tuesday morning?

Friday, May 13, 2005

Today's Play By Play

Client fire is out.

It is now physically impossible for me to get the tax paperwork to DHS before their office closes so if the baby comes this weekend the hospital treats us like "cash trash" instead of "medicaid gold".

First trying to pay another bill. I wonder if a check is in the mailbox...no, not until Tuesday.

Switching gears to pleasing the wife client and getting the upstairs floors cleaned.

Today's Play By Play

Had lunch. Paid a large bill throwing us into ecomonic woes.

Back on client fires.

Today's Play By Play

Client 1 done for now.

Moving onto financial woes. Paying bills and making magic money.

Green Thumb Seeks Sapling

Anyone got a money tree? Can I have a sprig?

Today's Play By Play

Was focused on Taxes but have a fire to put out. Switching to Client 1.


  • Confirm funds in bank and pay 3 large bills over the phone
  • 2004 tax paperwork (4-8 hours)
  • Client 1 (5-8 hours)
  • Client 2 (20 hours)
  • Client 3 (5-8 hours)
  • Clean upstairs floors (2 hours)
  • Get Girl Scout troop to circus by 5pm

Yesterday was my wife's birthday

I had a very measureable goal that had to be reached for her to have a nice birthday. It wasn't met.

I ended up doing Clown Day with pink eye. The teacher called and said, "we've got hand sanitizer for you and just don't touch your face." So if the whole first grade comes down with pink eye its my fault but I don't take the blame :) For those that might not know, for the past 25 years or so when the Ringling Brothers Circus comes to town Rocky Hill Elementary's first grade gets visited by 4 or 5 clowns. It's a neat treat. I go to the school and spend the day teaching 1st graders how to juggling (about 3-4 will actually get it and the rest have fun throwing the balls and trying to catch them). I really enjoy getting to talk to the clowns although this year I didn't bother them.

After that I returned for some frantic computer work amidst Comcast network outages. My goal was to give Cathy insurance for her birthday. My 2004 tax paperwork is all that stands in the way. Of course, my w-2s, 1099s et al are buried in those boxes of unopened mail. I was told that using TurboTax I should be able to do this in 4 hours. It has taken a week! Of course with my allergies in full swing and the pink eye going I haven't been able to pull some of the late night hours that would really help.

The computer work ended when we took the family out to Digenova's for pizza and then Noah and I rushed off to a scout meeting.

I wanted to blow this day up for Cathy. It had been on my mind for weeks.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Frustrating Day Yesterday

Yesterday was like trying to play golf with the Marx Brothers! I'd set up the shot and just about complete my swing when some distraction would make me have to start all over again. The work I do is very mental and requires a certain set of tools. A browser has to be opened to the development box for the front end and another for the backend. Two more for the production server frontend and backend. Now one browser for each of the database tools. Editors: ColdFusion Studio 5, Visio, and MS Word. An FTP program. Online documentation. The mere act of switching from one computer to another devours 10 minutes. Then comes the mindset. Getting into the programming groove. Once the mind is focused and that particular nirvana is reached the code flows from my finger tips like paint from an artist's brush.

Yesterday's effort probably took 6 times longer than it should have and caused me to not be able to complete certain things that are now making today a miserable day.


On the positive side, my sinuses seem more clear. I don't feel like coughing as much. I presume this is attributable to Alavert.

On the negative side, I have pink eye. And so does the dog! What does that mean?

I was supposed to teach the 2nd graders at the elementary school to juggle. It's Clown Day. I also take great pleasure in getting to chat with the Ringling Brothers clowns. I don't think it would be prudent for me to infect the whole 2nd grade.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Technically Nailed

Comcast is giving me fits. The connection is up and down like a bad metaphor.

My cellphone has a grandfathered service called "alternate line service" which is two phone numbers that come to the same cell phone. When we had service interupted they never got the alternate line (my business line!) fully up. I can call out but no one can call in.

There are others. A lot on me today.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Oh I can see it!

This morning I made the mistake of leaving the dog unattended while I drove Sarah to school. I left my books with my glasses on them within dog's reach. I now have a nice hairline verticle scratch down the center of the right lense. I thought I wouldn't notice but its hard to miss. I guess these 8-10 year old glasses need replacing anyway. Maybe in the Fall.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Ever get behind on your mail? Posted by Hello

Howdy Ma'am! Wanna ...

I was around 15 years old. My best friend's family had me as a guest to a beach house at Ocean City, New Jersey. At this point in my life my hormones were raging. There was one constant thing on my mind. Swelling inside of me. The frustration causing my temperature to rise and my heart to pump, pump, pump with sweat pouring down my body until all was ready to explode!

My southern accent in New Jersey drew one of two reactions. Humor or ridicule. My friend's father found it humorous and commented to me, "Doug, you're the kind of guy that I'd expect to walk up to a woman and say 'howdy ma'am! Wanna get laid?'" And it suddenly dawned on me that I'd never used that line. A mere couple of hours later my friend and I (and some others I don't remember) were on the hunt. Five of us were crammed into an MG Midget, topless and shirtless of course, cruising down the strip looking for babes. We hooted, cat called, hollered, whistled and otherwise flushed out our prey. The hunt was ripe! The savannah was fresh and certainly not barren.

We parked and broke down into teams as five would easily startle even the most experienced of the tenderloins. I quickly honed in on my target, aimed my bolt and fired. The words poetically cascaded through my lips, bolstered by the charming twang of my southern accent, "Howdy Ma'am..Wo..Wo" and my string broke. "Would you like to go see a movie tonight?" She replied, "yes" and we parted company until the evening.

I never did get laid on that trip but we sure did have one helluva popcorn fight in the closed balcony of that movie theatre. I'll never remember the movie as we were removed from the theatre shortly into the flick but man did we ever have some good laughs and share some strong kisses for one evening walking barefoot on the Jersey shore.

n.b. She later confided that she accepted my invite because no one had ever said "Howdy ma'am" to her before.

Look Mum! It's a aeroplane. Down on the ground.

Want to see a spy plane?

From the mouths of babes

This morning I hear tap tap tick tap. Amy says, "What is it?" I answer, "a stapler" as she continues gently pressing my red streamline stapler together. Amy, "Can I have it?" and grinning all I can say is "doo dooo do no do not don't please don't take mu mu my st stapp stapler"

From the mouths of babes

At the zoo event on Saturday I ask Amy if she wants to say "Free ice cream" over the microphone. She stood up tall and with great confidence and seriousness clearly announced, in a toddler's patentable squeakish voice, "Free ice cream on the stage. Free ice cream for everyone. Free ice cream." I was stunned! Granted, most people in the tent probably needed a translation but to a parent the words were quite clear and of her own creation! She did it twice more.

Noah approaches me and asks if he can make the announcement. I say sure and hand him the microphone. He stepped away from me, got an impish grin on his face and loudly blurted out "Free ice cream" in the most demonic voice, chuckling all the while.

Tommy turns to me with wild eyes and a wicked ear to ear grin and says, "Can I say it?" to which I firmly reply, "no!"

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Do the dumb things ya gotta do

I hate getting to this time of day (10:30pm) and realizing there's more than a day's worth of work ahead of me. I really need sleep.

I smell Pop

I called my grandfather on my father's side Pop. He was a three pack a day smoker and died of cancer around age 64. My grandmother is 86 and strong. Today I walked out of a restaurant behind a person that was not smoking but obviously has quite a habit and for a moment I caught a whiff of that distinct smell. That aroma of my grandfather. It was not unpleasant and came with a flash of good memories.

Hard Day of Juggling

For some reason yesterday was a hard day. I'd planned on sleeping at The Lost Sea Friday night then immediately going to the zoo and juggling from 10am - 2pm. Michael Messing the Magician performed from 11-11:30. He does such a wonder show! We are fortunate to have his help. We gave out ice cream from 12pm to the end of the event and I juggled about 1pm.

When I can't really remember an age to associate a memory with I usually lump the memory in 12 years old or 8 years old. 12 had to be my favorite year with 8 being a close second. Somewhere around one of these ages I had my first heat stroke. I think it was at a miniature golf course in Mytle Beach, South Carolina. I fainted and was ill in many ways.

Yesterday I did not think I worked all that hard. I mostly tried to just enjoy the event but I came real close to those feelings I had on that miniature golf course so long ago. The afternoon I crashed hard. In the evening I took Tommy to see Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with his friend and returned to crash again. Since I wasn't sure if I had a virus I slept on the couch. My skin was hot all the while I had chills. Today I've been one tremendous ache. I suppose I'm just that out of shape and doing my routine in the heat of the day yesterday was too much for me. I must begin exercising again.

Friday, May 06, 2005

3rd diversion


2nd diversion

Molly told us she had to go out and we ignored her. Poop to clean.

First Hinderance

Outlook is causing MS Word to crash and reporting as a problem with HP's print driver. This means to send email I have to reinstall MS Office. Delays. Delays. Delays.

Why is stress so exhausting?

I know I'm stressed despite my efforts to remain calm. These next 48 hours are ridiculous. Right now I feel like I'm trying to be "all things to all people" and that's impossible. I don't know what to let go. Do I skip the caving trip to give myself more time to clients and paperwork? I really want to see Noah crawling around in those narrow spaces. Do I flat out tell one client that we need to talk Monday instead of today? I really just want to sleep.

Today: paperwork (4-8 hours), client 1 (3 hours), client 2 (20 hours), juggling practice (1 hour), cave supplies (1.5 hours), other shopping (2 hours), seeking entertainers (.5 hour), various phone calls (.75 hour), unplanned diversions (2 hours)

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Today is Five

Guess what number most people will play on the Pick 3 tonight!

The Love of My Life points out that if the baby were to come today it would be our fifth child on the fifth day of the fifth month in the year 2005 (5/5/5). And if we could have timed it for 5:55 (am or pm) that would have beautiful! Suppose I should have been doing some coaxing.

From the mouths of babes

Amy after an extended stay in the tub and holding hands up with fingers spread: "Look at my fingers! They're grandmas!"

Don't look at me. I've never said it!

Oh Piss!

I just removed the old toilet seat and throughly scrubbed the toilet. While the lid was off and I was out, Noah (almost 9) steps in and uses the commode and leaves. I step back in to find my nice shiny ivory puddled with pools of yellow. I call him in and give him the lecture about cleaning up and he rebutes "but I didn't miss." I insist he did and have him clean up the reasons I believe so.

I get the new toilet seat afixed to the commode and moments later Tommy (14) wanders in. Not until after he leaves for school do I happen into the bathroom to discover my nice shiny ivory puddled with pools of yellow. Had I called him on it I know for certain he would have whined at me "but I didn't do that!"

How do you get two boys that either don't care or just are that oblivious to aim their weapons? Ah! This will not go over well but I am going to make them clean the toilet everytime they use it so that they become aware. I have suggested to the older one that he sit not stand and he took offense at that. It also doesn't solve the problem as slight aiming is still required.

Time Management By The Album

I am now managing my time by the music to which I am listening. After each album I should be reaching a milestone. At the end of each album I take a moment to ask myself if I'm in Quad I, II, III, or IV and I review the items I've marked for completion on that day.

Overall I'm feeling better and more organized. Despite the adversity in front of me I really feel that things are coming together.

From the mouths of babes

"What a big kick daddy!"
"Molly jumped over the weeds!"
"I used my hands as 'noculars."

Amy has also started telling stories:
..and I was in the room...and Molly came in the room...and Molly came in the room...and Molly stepped on me..and Molly...and I hit Molly...and Molly left.. and...

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

On hold (Quad I)

First long phone call. What a waste of time.

Strung Like Taffy

This week is ending quickly. We lost an important utility but hopefully will have it back this afternoon. Our annual event to support Children's Mental Health Week is this Saturday at the zoo from 10am - 2pm. I have to put in as many programming hours as possible. I have dozens of phone calls that will all have long hold times. Doctors appointments. Meetings to try to establish insurance. Preparation for that meeting. Boy Scout pack meeting Thursday. Camping in a cave Friday night to drive from the cave to the Zoo for several juggling performances as I failed to get the 4 entertainers we normally have. If you know 2 variety type entertainers in the Knoxville area that will each do a 30 minute show on short notice please have them contact me! Oh, and I haven't practiced so my routines will be raw. Oh, and the organization that has supplied our decorations for the past 4 years isn't returning my calls.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

To Bed!

This morning at 7:30 I wrapped up a fun project. Certainly there may be a minor change or two and some support issues but the challenging part is done. What a relief! Onto the next project.

Such Peace!

At 4am the air is crisp.
A lone dog barks
As the cat brushes my leg, meows.
The stars ultra luminous against their purple background.
Each one trying to upstage the other.
The trees, more like shadows, frame the sky.
I live in a diorama and adore its display!
Look a faerie! Or was that a firefly?
I listen in the silence for the fluttering wings.
I hear only silence and the occasional bark.
It is bliss!
Through jeans and a sweat shirt
The chill begins to overcome.
Goodnight sweet night!
Morning begins soon.
The sun will rise and push away your peace
Beginning a beautiful Day.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Full of F words today

Flabbergasted, Flustered, Frustrated, Fatigued, Fretful...