Tuesday, May 31, 2005
One day this year I found myself speeding around town trying to make appointments in a vehicle that had no insurance, expired tags, without my driver's license, low on gas and with no money. Murph let me off that time.
So I adjusted my habit and now if I take my wallet out of my pocket I put my keys with it. Can't leave the house without the keys and if the keys are with the wallet I won't forget the wallet. One caveat... where the blazes are my keys?!
So Evan is 4 days old now. I'm holding him and Amy is at my side. Evan sneezes. I respond, "Bless you!" and Evan makes a sound. I chuckle to myself thinking, "that sounded like 'bless you'" then Amy says, "Evan said 'bless you'!"
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Friday, May 27, 2005
In nursery. Healthy and alert!
Granny holds evan
Grand daddy holds evan
Tommy holds evan
Amy holds evan
Sarah holds evan
7 pounds 3 ounces
9cm. 5 minute countdown
Amy back in her birthbed. Yes, same room!
Gave in and got epidural
Baby likely within the hour. 4cm. 7 minute contractions
Baby within the hour probably
Being admitted. 3cm. Evan comes tonight probably before 8pm.
Being monitored. Check djuggler on phlog.com for picture.
At er waiting on wheel chair to gourstairs
Thursday, May 26, 2005
That reminds me of one of my own juggling experiences. I once lived in a building that had 4 apartments in it. If you were facing the building mine was on the lower right. The neighbors directly above me were a nice, very straight-laced, professional couple and the two apartments on the other side of the building changed tenants rapidly. Behind the apartment was a huge, flat backyard, large enough for football games, with dense trees separating the yard from the neighborhood behind the apartments and two farms were on the sides.
I enjoyed the yard much. It was good for practicing clubs but I only once ever practiced torches in that yard.
When I decided to purchase a house I started shopping around for loans. Turns out the wife of the upstairs neighbor worked in the loan department of a bank I used. While we were discussing income sources I was grasping for every possible dime and mentioned that I occasionally juggle for money. She lit up and said, "Oh! I saw you juggle torches the other night!" Nothing more was said of the juggling but I had to laugh pretty hard once I left the office. See, at the time my drinking had slowed but my college habit was still to drink to excess. That one time which I juggled torches in that yard I had become quite inebriated and in my drunkness was juggling torches completely nude.
If you are a resident of Kansas, Utah, Ohio, Missouri, Maine, Nebraska, Georgia, Virginia, West Virginia, Michigan, California, Oregon, Indiana, Maryland, or New Jersey, your senator is on the committee reviewing this bill in a closed session on Thursday. Don't let it get out committee. Write your senator to oppose the bill today!"
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
At the end of a road cutting past a small airfield and another ranch along Oahu’s North Shore is the former site of show’s crash site, long since packed away.I find myself desiring to travel to Hawaii and check it out. Wes Grotjan is quoted "I feel I'm kind of in on the joke that I get to see a lot of these places." I can almost relate. When I lived in Kenner, Louisanna I camped out as a scout at the location where Killer Bees nest was filmed (that was the film where the Volkswagon drove into the Superdome and they froze the bees with the airconditioning. I also camped a the location where one of the James Bond films was made (the one Bond drives his boat through a wedding). I was born in Wilmington, NC where Stephen King, starting with Fire Starter, films all his movies. It's not the same as what Wes Grotjan experiences but I can imagine how it must feel seeing the locations on screen and off screen.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Have you ever been truly angry? I mean so angry that all you see is that flash of white. You don't see the person or people at whom you are yelling. You don't see your environment. You can barely hear the words coming from your mouth. And the part that gets your ire the absolute most is that no matter what you do or how hard you try you just can't stop yourself.
Monday, May 23, 2005
I have not bought Evan's book yet so he can't come. I'll fix that today.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
What I ain't got.
Done my time.
Get off my ass
Leave the past behind.
Man of character
Beat to indignation.
Losing all hope
Want the best
For my children.
But what kind of example
Is a man in ruin?
When a grown man cries
The tears burn like steam
Washing away all his dreams.
Life is too short for mistakes.
One screwup and you're obliterated.
Our world is unforgiving.
Hatred, greed unending.
I try to give and give and give.
They take and take and take.
Where's karma now?
When's it come around?
Have I not paid for my sins?
Could I not have a new beginning?
What curse is bestowed upon me?
How can the burden be lifted?
I thought I was good
It makes me sad
To realise I'm so bad.
An analyst at Microsoft has investigated this problem and determined that an unknown error occurred in Hewlett-Packard Printer Driver. This software was created by Hewlett-Packard Company.
Microsoft has researched this problem with Hewlett-Packard Company, and they do not currently have a solution for the problem that you reported. Below is a list of recommendations to take that may help prevent the problem from recurring.
Contact Hewlett-Packard Company for support or product updates.
If this problem continues to occur with the latest product updates for Hewlett-Packard Printer Driver, we recommend you obtain assistance and troubleshooting information directly from Hewlett-Packard Company.
For more help and information about how to troubleshoot and fix common errors on your computer, please see the Microsoft Online Crash Analysis: Help, Support, and Tools article.
Looks like I need a new driver for my HP Photosmart 1115
The thoughts are frequently useless. I spent what felt like several hours in bed this morning half way between sleep and awake thinking of the Year 2000 bug and how to fix it. For the life of me I could not get away from such ridiculous thinking.
Today I began to seek calm by forcing myself to do some stretching. I will give my self specific obtainable goals today and stay on them. Concentration can be trained! My wife wisely advises "be in the moment" and that is going to be my primary focus.
Her advise came during a dinner conversation last night during which we had the pleasure of eatting together without children and I seemed to be wandering. She asked, "what are you thinking right now?" I had to reply that I was thinking several things at once. 1) The lake I could see from Tijuana Taco was beautiful 2) I'm a lousy provider for my family 3)I want to build a service website 4) ... I can't remember but there were about 3 other simultaneous thoughts all which I could do nothing about at that moment. It does not pay to tax the brain with things outside of your control.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
The redneck police cited me though explaining that if such behavior continues my redneck license will be endanger of being revoked.
Hopefully I got a short film of this.
Friday, May 20, 2005
My next and last child is due today. We have been hoping he would come for the past 2 weeks. Of course the paperwork has not, and may still not, be in order. I'd feel a lot better if I could pay the $2700 up front fees requested by the hospital. I fear since we may enter as "those cash people that we will never see money from" that we will not be treated as well as the insured or weathly. It's a very wrong mindset as the bills will be paid. If all goes well, our insurance paperwork went through yesterday or goes through today however it could take up to 30 days.
I hate the thought that my son may be disadvantaged because of his treatment in the hospital just because I've made too little money. My bad choices are now costing my family. We need a van and much work to the house. I need a haircut. We need groceries.
On the positive side I feel more order in my life. I have closure to several things including client projects and personal burdens. I need some more closure! And a few new beginnings.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
This is something we can all use and benefit from, as we all need more calm in our lives.
By following the simple advice heard on the Dr.Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr.Phil's way to inner peace, is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things that I had started and hadn't finished, and before leaving for work this morning, I finished off a bottle of merlot, a bottle of chardonnay,a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a packet of TimTams, the rest of the cheesecake, a box of chocolates,and the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions. You have no idea how freaking good I feel!!!!
Check out this government sponsored humiliation!
I know some people are inherently bad but might situation contribute to some of these bad neighbors? Instead of chiding them online might humanitarian effort be better spent organizing a work party to help get these bad neighbors back on their feet. Perhaps that technique is used once and if they slip again then we resort to the humiliation. Granted, some of these folks have received multiple citations but a piece of paper does not lift one from their troubles.
I know when my world collapsed in 2000 and my garbage service abruptly ended that my trash was just plopped on the driveway and began to decompose. I had a pile that would have impressed Arlo Gutherie and Alice and should have been setting off contamination sensors in Oak Ridge. No number of citations would have encouraged me to get out of bed and address the trash. When I finally broke out of my depression and started taking the trash to the dump it probably took 12 trips using my 4x8 trailer.
My point is that people sometimes fall into bad situations. We have volunteers that get together and build homes for Habitat for Humanity. Imagine what a similar effort could do for our communities by addressing issues such as these. I know if 20 people showed up at my house one weekend I could accomplish what I have failed to do in 7 years (if I had the materials).
I keep my stress low when the children need attention at the same time I am trying to reach a goal. When I try to compete between the child and work by redirecting her or trick her into leaving me alone I'm faced with interuption upon interuption; however, if I take some time away from my work and invest some quality time with the child, we both have a rewarding time and her need for attention is fulfilled enough for me to return to some solid work.
This morning Amy and I played a fun game of memory. She did really well! Now she watches Sesame Street while I work but I must admit the television drags me in sometimes.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
I received a letter from DHS requesting more paperwork with a "we must turn you down unless received by ____" letter so my afternoon was spent photocopying and compiling financial information. That's a good thing. It's forced me to move forward with my impending tax deadline. I've become organized and really gotten on the stick with somethings that have loomed over my head for quite a while.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
I like the early mornings on the porch. Often I feel I could sleep there nicely. Its a good way to start the day.
Monday, May 16, 2005
Sunday, May 15, 2005
After several calls and 2 tech visits to the house I may have figured out the problem. On one phone call a wise technician suggested that "your splitter might be going bad" I finally spent $15 on a really nice ChannelPlus 2514a splitter/combiner and went into the attic only to find I don't have a splitter. Turns out the splitter is in the sealed box on the outside of the house which the last technician kindly left unlocked for me. During his call he proclaimed that "your signal is too good!" and switched the Internet to the -7.5db lead putting the television on the -3.5db lead. Tech magic. Discussions with the tech and a couple of other people led me to belief I'd been taken by Shields on the splitter.
This morning the Internet connection was down worse than ever. I got frustrated and may a support call for a visit on Tuesday morning. With nothing else to do I went outside an replaced the old generic splitter with the new ChannelPlus splitter and in minutes the Internet was back and working seemlessly. Apparently, splitters do go bad and you do get what you pay for!
Now, do I replace my RCA cable modem with a Motorola come Tuesday morning?
Friday, May 13, 2005
It is now physically impossible for me to get the tax paperwork to DHS before their office closes so if the baby comes this weekend the hospital treats us like "cash trash" instead of "medicaid gold".
First trying to pay another bill. I wonder if a check is in the mailbox...no, not until Tuesday.
Switching gears to pleasing the wife client and getting the upstairs floors cleaned.
I ended up doing Clown Day with pink eye. The teacher called and said, "we've got hand sanitizer for you and just don't touch your face." So if the whole first grade comes down with pink eye its my fault but I don't take the blame :) For those that might not know, for the past 25 years or so when the Ringling Brothers Circus comes to town Rocky Hill Elementary's first grade gets visited by 4 or 5 clowns. It's a neat treat. I go to the school and spend the day teaching 1st graders how to juggling (about 3-4 will actually get it and the rest have fun throwing the balls and trying to catch them). I really enjoy getting to talk to the clowns although this year I didn't bother them.
After that I returned for some frantic computer work amidst Comcast network outages. My goal was to give Cathy insurance for her birthday. My 2004 tax paperwork is all that stands in the way. Of course, my w-2s, 1099s et al are buried in those boxes of unopened mail. I was told that using TurboTax I should be able to do this in 4 hours. It has taken a week! Of course with my allergies in full swing and the pink eye going I haven't been able to pull some of the late night hours that would really help.
The computer work ended when we took the family out to Digenova's for pizza and then Noah and I rushed off to a scout meeting.
I wanted to blow this day up for Cathy. It had been on my mind for weeks.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Yesterday's effort probably took 6 times longer than it should have and caused me to not be able to complete certain things that are now making today a miserable day.
On the negative side, I have pink eye. And so does the dog! What does that mean?
I was supposed to teach the 2nd graders at the elementary school to juggle. It's Clown Day. I also take great pleasure in getting to chat with the Ringling Brothers clowns. I don't think it would be prudent for me to infect the whole 2nd grade.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
My cellphone has a grandfathered service called "alternate line service" which is two phone numbers that come to the same cell phone. When we had service interupted they never got the alternate line (my business line!) fully up. I can call out but no one can call in.
There are others. A lot on me today.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Monday, May 09, 2005
My southern accent in New Jersey drew one of two reactions. Humor or ridicule. My friend's father found it humorous and commented to me, "Doug, you're the kind of guy that I'd expect to walk up to a woman and say 'howdy ma'am! Wanna get laid?'" And it suddenly dawned on me that I'd never used that line. A mere couple of hours later my friend and I (and some others I don't remember) were on the hunt. Five of us were crammed into an MG Midget, topless and shirtless of course, cruising down the strip looking for babes. We hooted, cat called, hollered, whistled and otherwise flushed out our prey. The hunt was ripe! The savannah was fresh and certainly not barren.
We parked and broke down into teams as five would easily startle even the most experienced of the tenderloins. I quickly honed in on my target, aimed my bolt and fired. The words poetically cascaded through my lips, bolstered by the charming twang of my southern accent, "Howdy Ma'am..Wo..Wo" and my string broke. "Would you like to go see a movie tonight?" She replied, "yes" and we parted company until the evening.
I never did get laid on that trip but we sure did have one helluva popcorn fight in the closed balcony of that movie theatre. I'll never remember the movie as we were removed from the theatre shortly into the flick but man did we ever have some good laughs and share some strong kisses for one evening walking barefoot on the Jersey shore.
n.b. She later confided that she accepted my invite because no one had ever said "Howdy ma'am" to her before.
Noah approaches me and asks if he can make the announcement. I say sure and hand him the microphone. He stepped away from me, got an impish grin on his face and loudly blurted out "Free ice cream" in the most demonic voice, chuckling all the while.
Tommy turns to me with wild eyes and a wicked ear to ear grin and says, "Can I say it?" to which I firmly reply, "no!"
Sunday, May 08, 2005
When I can't really remember an age to associate a memory with I usually lump the memory in 12 years old or 8 years old. 12 had to be my favorite year with 8 being a close second. Somewhere around one of these ages I had my first heat stroke. I think it was at a miniature golf course in Mytle Beach, South Carolina. I fainted and was ill in many ways.
Yesterday I did not think I worked all that hard. I mostly tried to just enjoy the event but I came real close to those feelings I had on that miniature golf course so long ago. The afternoon I crashed hard. In the evening I took Tommy to see Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with his friend and returned to crash again. Since I wasn't sure if I had a virus I slept on the couch. My skin was hot all the while I had chills. Today I've been one tremendous ache. I suppose I'm just that out of shape and doing my routine in the heat of the day yesterday was too much for me. I must begin exercising again.
Friday, May 06, 2005
Today: paperwork (4-8 hours), client 1 (3 hours), client 2 (20 hours), juggling practice (1 hour), cave supplies (1.5 hours), other shopping (2 hours), seeking entertainers (.5 hour), various phone calls (.75 hour), unplanned diversions (2 hours)
Thursday, May 05, 2005
The Love of My Life points out that if the baby were to come today it would be our fifth child on the fifth day of the fifth month in the year 2005 (5/5/5). And if we could have timed it for 5:55 (am or pm) that would have beautiful! Suppose I should have been doing some coaxing.
I get the new toilet seat afixed to the commode and moments later Tommy (14) wanders in. Not until after he leaves for school do I happen into the bathroom to discover my nice shiny ivory puddled with pools of yellow. Had I called him on it I know for certain he would have whined at me "but I didn't do that!"
How do you get two boys that either don't care or just are that oblivious to aim their weapons? Ah! This will not go over well but I am going to make them clean the toilet everytime they use it so that they become aware. I have suggested to the older one that he sit not stand and he took offense at that. It also doesn't solve the problem as slight aiming is still required.
Overall I'm feeling better and more organized. Despite the adversity in front of me I really feel that things are coming together.
"Molly jumped over the weeds!"
"I used my hands as 'noculars."
Amy has also started telling stories:
..and I was in the room...and Molly came in the room...and Molly came in the room...and Molly stepped on me..and Molly...and I hit Molly...and Molly left.. and...
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
A lone dog barks
As the cat brushes my leg, meows.
The stars ultra luminous against their purple background.
Each one trying to upstage the other.
The trees, more like shadows, frame the sky.
I live in a diorama and adore its display!
Look a faerie! Or was that a firefly?
I listen in the silence for the fluttering wings.
I hear only silence and the occasional bark.
It is bliss!
Through jeans and a sweat shirt
The chill begins to overcome.
Goodnight sweet night!
Morning begins soon.
The sun will rise and push away your peace
Beginning a beautiful Day.