Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Poem - Current State of Me (aka A Single Moment)

The video (4MB 1:14) is just me reading the following which in essence is just a list of words so you may just want to save your bandwidth. I suggest that you read column one first, then column two, then left to right all the way down. In the video it sounds like I wrote this in 1988 but it was actually 1998.

Current State of Me (aka A Single Moment)

Writing — Things
Thinking — Change
Dreaming — Deranged
Blinking — Dazed
Pondering — Amazed
Wondering — Craze
Wandering — Maze
Listening — Beat
Hoping — Reach
Praying — Seek
Delaying — Weak
Straying — Lazy
Crazy? — Crazy!

-DM 6/1/1998

Normally I like to leave interpretation of any written piece to the reader, however, I think this probably stands to have some explanation otherwise I could just randomly pick words from a dictionary and call it art. Hmm.. Now that's not a terrible thought!

The following are straight from the journal (6 years ago) with the exception of one that required edits (it's a journal!) and the notes of course are from the present.
Writing — Things
The "things" I was writing were my journal entry and the poem itself
Thinking — Change
The thinking "change" was all that had gone on in my recent past from marriage to getting laid off to starting my own business.
Dreaming — Deranged
These were thoughts of an alternative path that I could have walked with no debt and unrealistic fantasy dreams. Regret of choices made, desires to change them and imagining how different things would be. Demented thoughts.
Blinking — Dazed
The dreaming-deranged overwhelmed me and I spaced out for a few. It felt great to momentarily be nowhere!
Pondering — Amazed
The stepping back into reality after resetting my fuse and realizing the significance of many of the choices I'd made in that recent (and far) past.
Wondering — Craze
The struggling I did with myself over whether or not I'd made good choices
Wandering — Maze
I would get lost in my own thoughts and sometimes could not escape myself. It would be like the walls closing in.
Listening — Beat
I simply took a second to enjoy the music Border's was playing
Hoping — Reach
My mind wanted someone to help me
Praying — Seek
Expanding on the former..a more spiritual cry for help.
Delaying — Weak
Recognition that I create my own Hell through procrastination, my biggest weakness.
Straying — Lazy
My inclination (at the time) to give up
Crazy? — Crazy!
Am I losing it? Through my own actions - yes.


The red station wagon after sitting many many weeks in the driveway has been moved to the mechanic's to troubleshoot the transmission problem. After that, eradicating the mold and fugus that grew on the ungodly amount of food we left in the car. Every crumb has become a science experiment. I swear when I opened the door a french fry asked, "Are we there yet?" I am so disappointed in myself for allowing that to happen!

An Interview

Resume submitted 8 months ago. Very exciting!

Of Grasshoppers

Student: When is the end?
Master: When you quit.

News from Iraqi

Take a moment to watch this. It's rather eye opening. News of the Resistance

Good Feelings/Bad Feelings

Good Feelings! Came to terms with one creditor yesterday and another today. Two monkies off my back!

Bad Feeligns! Must work like a mad dog to honor my end of the deals.

New Neighbor?

Really skunky again. Smelled it last night and stronger this morning.
A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
I want at least 4 hours of programming each day. If that means I go without eatting or sleeping then I want those 4 hours!

Today can go a couple of different ways. I have an appointment at 11am that cannot be moved and I must be on time. The possibilities today center around computer maintenance, dry walling, computer programming, marketing, sales and invoicing (hmm. That should be pretty high up!). I get the distinct impression that my day will begin with phone support and I may end up downtown again. There is a PTA meeting at the school tonight.

Amy rises. Molly calls.

Monday, August 30, 2004

The Hats We Wear

Today I roles got to play:
* Chauffeur
* Accountant
* Windows 2000 Administrator
* Wireless Network Engineer
* Fire Extinguisher Inspector
* Negotiator
* Pet Walker
* Poet
* Chef

I think chef ranks highest in my book.


I dance with the Devil.
My head spins and I grow faint.
The evil swells within me
And the weak shall receive the burden
       Of my wrath!

I commiserate for those who have fallen before me
And I commune with the Devil for I am stronger than He!
The Others were eatten, devoured by their lack of connivery
And here I feed. I eat with the Devil yet he devours me.

My anger lashes out! The Devil hides my fear.
My skin crawls. The Devil shows my muscles rippling.
I shall weep! The Devil gives me no tears.
I break. And the Devil smiles for He is stronger than Me.

-DM 8/30/04


Soliciting Miracles

I sure could use 345 miracles.
Credit card companies are a bunch of pricks.

Poem - Of Expectations

In Another poem
      Near to this
      Doug played a game.

Whoever Tells the secret
Of It's meaning
Uses Mental facitilies
Deeper Than
Xanadu Calls to the enlightened
People Of
Exceptional Mentality
Compensating Mastery of reading,
Thinking, Edification with
      Nice feelings
Distinguishing Them
A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
At midnight I decided I wanted to pull an all nighter. At 3:30am I woke with much energy and my wife sang with the Sirens to draw me back into bed. At 5:20am I woke with panic. At 6:10am I woke with total anxiety.

Today is going to be very hard.

Sunday, August 29, 2004


私はトミーを誤って処置することによって私達の夕方を台無しにした。私はメモが私を停止しなかったように私が身に着けている宝石類の部分こととても弱かった。今夜肉体の喜び無し。通常この行動は2 から3 週間私を断ち切ることによって罰される。

Poetry - The Need to Succeed

In times of stressful situations

Never does these seem to be
Ends to the opportunities to do
Everything grows in importance
Dauntingly the tasks loom

Ambivalence takes hold

Sometimes I know what should be done
Most often I cannot move
A dull throbbing in my head
Louder and louder it groans
Lamenting my failures inside its echos

Sensibly I should pick anything
Using a simple task to overcome
Crushing the overwhelmed feeling
Caressing the wounded mind
Energizing the self to do more
Small success brings greater success
Success brings satisfaction

--DM 8/29/04


Helped a friend with some electrical issues. I like electrical work.

Returned home in hopes of getting some cleaning and programming done but all I could do is get the macintosh ready to hand over to the kids (must figure out how to backup the whole thing -- roughly 2 gigs). I have a irrational attachment to it. It also appears that VirtuaGirl (WARNING! Adult content. Not safe for work. May have one popup.) is installed on it but so far only clothed girls have walked the desktop.

Cooked dinner and now sit here pondering the next move.
A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Morning plans altered greatly making me frustrated.

Tick Tock Tick Tock Clock Clock Clock.

Waaay too much to do in waaay too little time.

If I try to think about it all I'm bound to loose my mind.

Turn everything into a game. Stay sane.

Use your brain to get ahead. Work smarter not harder.

Do not be ashamed to ask for help.

You have given perhaps its your turn to receive.

Humility will not offer its hand.

Saturday, August 28, 2004


Computer maintenance stage 1 done. Much more to do there.

MBNA offer to settle reduced from 50% to 40%.
A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Rough night last night.

Amy was so cute this morning. I need to record her doing this. She woke and started calling for her sister (from Sarah's bed of course). "Seeer rah" "Seeer rAh!" then "NOooo AH" over and over. Never angry that no one replied. Noah usually saves her but he was caught up in the television.

I can't get Amy to hug or kiss Noah. She used to. What happened?

I'm off to repair another computer. Have another couple to schedule after that.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Oink Oink - 0:37

this is an audio post - click to play

Picture at Phlog

Memory Lane

My comment to my brother's blog regarding our great grandmother. I have been trying to think of a way to write about her, the correct story, the best memory. Dean prompts this:

And round push button light switches that thunked when you pushed them. They were alluring.

I still remember the smell of the place. And the alcove between the living room and the kitchen where the toy chest was kept.

The 20 cats.

The wasp nest under the swing. Was you or I that got stung?

The bees in the fig tree that didn't mind the boys climbing it.

The fresh figs.

The games of chase under the grape fine.

Choking on a lemon drop and hiding in a bedroom so no one would know.

The ditch and church on the other side.

Most of all, I remember the scratchy voice of that kind woman, her dark rimmed glasses, the wrinked face, the gray hair pulled back in a bun, a skinny frame but still gravity had pulled her mass downward trying to reshape her as a bell, her hands, and her cane.

Poverty - An Insider's View

Another call from Sears where they try to sound like they want to help me all the while trying to degrade me into paying something. "Don't you have any income? How are you feeding your kids? You have to have income. Can't they skip a meal so you can pay us?"
A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Woke at 3:30. Could not take the stench. Apparently the dog just had to go. She is trying for the papers and that is a good thing. So I cleaned up her mess and was wide awake thinking, "Productivity time!" Then I thought, I really should wait until 4 or 4:30 to go to the computer. Woke at 6am and stared at the clock until 6:07 when Noah came down to tell me it was time to get up. 8 more minutes of self torture for allowing myself to be seduced back into bed.

Today is to be all about drywall and electrical wiring at two different locations. This evening we will enjoy a meal with friends. I'm torn. We don't get invited out much and when we do we have childcare issues. This is not a time to be dabbling in the luxuries of finer dining but this outing will be very healthy for Cathy and I mentally and we like the couple that has invited us out. I would like to grow our friendship.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Amy Speaks - 1:43

Amy caught a huge burst of giddy energy just before she was supposed to be going to bed so she came down to our bed instead, lay down, and pulled the covers to her chin. Then the motor mouth started. It was amazing comversation. She was identifying everything in the room, going through body parts, identifying toys, and more. Then I got the brilliant idea to audblog it and she immediately went quiet. So this is almost 2 minutes of me prompting for dialog.

this is an audio post - click to play


* Major electrical accomplish at friend's house
* Had to cancel lunch date
* Computer returned to residential maintenance client

MBNA called while I was at the client's and apparently thought that by being rude and yelling at me loudly that I would magically poop money and pay them something. Really, if they'd give me one more month I'm sure I could appease them.

From the Mouths of Babes

Amy just put her tiny arms above her head, arched her back slightly and eeked out, "streeettch!"

More risers

6:09am rolls around and I'm busting a move. I'm in productivity mode. I'm getting coding done! But its time to wake Sarah. I try to get in her room but the door sticks and wakes Amy. I try to get Amy back down but she insists on being held. I hold her as she tightly squeezes my neck, a feeling I love, and I stir Sarah instructing her with a pointed finger on how to leave the room without Amy seeing her. It fails. Amy notices the empty bed. I hold her and rock her and she starts to fall asleep on my shoulder. Suddenly from the living room there is a rustle of papers as if someone were ripping a book to shreds. Amy's head bolts upright. Apparently Noah reached a point in one of his books where he could create an animation by rapidly flipping the pages.

Tis ok. I brought myself to a stopping point then Amy and I walked the dog for a 2nd time.

Morning Boy

Noah rises at 5:40am unprompted by me (I was downstairs and silent).
A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Wahoo! Woke at 4:15 and was dressed, walked the dog and returned to the computer by 4:30! Unfortunately I could not rise without disturbing the dog which in turn disturbed the wife. This dog is wearing me out.

This day is going to be packed. The morning starts off with electrical wiring and hopefully drywall. Lunch is networking that hopefully leads to sales. After lunch I return a computer to a maintenance client. Return to drywall.

Maintenance on a computer for a business client. Picked up the kayak from consignment to sell to a friend. Raced to my drywalling work but the overrun on repair time and time picking up the kayak cut into their scheduled time and they needed to go. We agreed that it be best to put the work off until tomorrow. I took the kayak to my friend and we completed the sale. I agreed to get some drywalling done for him before the first of September.

Moving from computers to general contracting?

Last Night
Had a special moment with Sarah last night. The dog chewed up her glasses so we went together to the eye glass store. I need to create more opportunities for one on one time with each of the children. We had fun and it was just our time. I think Cathy and I each need to pick a child per week and have a one on one opportunity.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

The original Halloween picture. Posted by Hello

Happy Anniversary!

Today is our 3rd Anniversary of our marriage.

I met Cathy on Oct 23, 1999. She had come to a Halloween party that my first wife and I were throwing. That marriage was at its end. During the party while my first wife danced and flirted with the array of guys in the room, Cathy sat back and took in the scene. Although I was playing super host and only got a few words in with Cathy, she stuck in my mind as something special. I remember my thoughts of infidelity as "if I weren't married I'd want to be with her" but they stopped there. Little did I know at the time that my first wife had gone far beyond just thoughts.

By December my first wife was openly in a relationship with another man and Cathy and I were scheduled to have a lunch date. I stood her up. I think I stood her up a 2nd time in January. She should have run like hell.

My first wife officially asked for a divorce on Jan 3, 2000.

On January 15, 2000 Cathy tried to find the annual party my best friend and I would always throw called "The Long Island Tea Party." She could not figure out how to get to the house.

On February 12, 2000 we had our first date. Some good friends brought us together thinking the both of us needed a good one mutual one night stand (which didn't happen btw. Good clean fun all night long.). I was nervous as I ever was in high school. I rapid fired every joke I knew. I could not take my eyes off this gorgeous woman that had honored this pathethic man with her presence. I knew the rest of the room (we were playing pool) was jealous of me! Cathy is smart, witty, sharp as tack, self-confident, and beautiful! I was trying to be unpressuring at the end of our date and tried to say "there is no pressure here. We can take things slow." I was trying to be kind. The words fumbled out of mouth sounding something like "if you want to have sex without commitment I'm your man!" (not those words of course but the meaning was about as bone headed). Cathy should have run like hell.

I spent one whole day going back to the pool bar, taking pictures and piecing together a picture of Cathy from the Halloween party to make this animation:
My Devil of a Girl

As my business failed, first marriage failed, and illness brought down various members of my family, my mental health failed. Cathy stood by me and helped keep me alive. She is an incredible humanitarian. She nursed me to stability. She should have run like hell.

We dated all of 2000 and in 2001 I took Cathy to the mall and we put her engagement ring on layaway. She thought it wasn't a real engagement and that we had played a game.

During the early dating, Cathy found creative ways to introduce me to one child at a time as to not overwhelm me. She is extremely aware of other people's feelings and tactful. I remember well her introduction of Sarah to me. I was playing frisbee golf with friends and as we come off the last hole she stood there tall as a tree, silent and all knowing, protective and assuring, glowing as an angel but the angel was standing beside her. She studied me to measure my reaction. I knew instantly that this was my family.

In August of 2001 I could not take the wait anymore. My divorce had finally come through (long after Cathy's more complicated divorce-her's took less than 6 months with children and property issues while mine concerning nothing took almost 2 years) and I didn't like Cathy not having a ring on her finger. I ran to the jewelry store and bought an affordable engagement ring that was not to the caliber that she deserved to wear but it much more than the nothing on her finger. I hid it in a gift and proposed. Sarah walked in, saw what was happening, and immediately ran out to tell Cathy's folks. A couple of days later I was looking out the window into the cove thinking, "the kids need to be here now" and Cathy and I ran to Gatlinburg, popped into a wedding chapel where the cloths are pinned together in the back, and have been happily married since! One week after the marriage the whole crew had moved into the house of horrors. Cathy should have run like hell.

In our 4 and 2/3 years together, we have had glory days and we have had hard days and even harder days. Our love is strong! Cathy is so special, so endearing, so unique, so beautiful and so much more that I could go on and on until my keyboard melted away. She means the world to me! When I see her, my heart races. When she kisses me, the world goes away and I see nothing but her. When she cries, I bleed. When she holds me, I am safe. I want to be with her forever! Cathy, thank you for everything! I especially thank you for never running like hell. I love you! Happy Anniversary!

From the Mind of a Child

Noah: "Dad could you help me untie this? It's in a knot." Hands single knotted shoe to Dad.
a tied shoe from http://coe.jmu.edu/ecscience/Shoe%20Tying.htm
Dad: Ok. He's a scout but a young scout. We must work on knots. Looks for the knot. "Noah come here. Hold here." Places Noah's thumb and index finger one the end of one shoe lace. "Ok. Now with your other hand hold here." Places Noah's other thumb and index finger on the other end of the shoe lace. Then holds Noah's hands and pulls them apart thus causing the knot to come undone by Noah's own hand.
Noah: "I tried that but I only pulled one."
A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
This am I was up at 4:38 and rearing to go! So what happened? That "just 20 more minute" seductress we call "Bed" pulled me back. Her siren's song was weaker than normal but none the less effective. My day had to begin at 6am.

On Monday I went and began the task I committed to a friend. They had some water damage in their kitchen that resulted in the need for a new floor. In the process they removed a wall. My job is to re-route the electric that is now just hanging in space and put some new dry wall in place.

It was fun being up in the attic because the spot where I am working gets reeally tight. So I'm doing gynastics and gravity defying tricks to get into position to add reinforcing boards to hold the ceiling. I am attired in jeans, a long sleave shirt and a breathing mask that makes me sound like Darth Vader and look like I'm cleaning up a chemical spill. So I'm feeling like what a tunnel rat must have experienced (I suppose not after reading that article) and my phone rings with the theme song to Mission Impossible. Seemed very apropos.

Yesterday I returned to work on my friend's house, and did computer repair at two clients locations.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

So, why are we still up?

I paid the cable bill yesterday (which is also our Internet connection bill). I choose this over food because if I play my cards right I'll have some more money, however minor, trickle in over the next couple of days. If I had waited one more day on the cable bill they would have doubled the price of getting the cable plus a reconnect fee. Since all the jobs I am seeking I am finding on the Internet and my coorespondences are by email, I logiced this was a resource I could not let die.
A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Up at 5. Way alive. Tried to rise. Demise. Some quick R.E.M. and back again. 6 is good for kicks.

Amy lost her bop (pacificer), and nite nite (blankey) so she was crying. I got her settled and considered getting Sarah up but it was really 15 minutes early. Roll the dice. If Amy sees me getting Sarah then she will get up. I will chance her going back to sleep and me getting Sarah up in 15 minutes. No good. in 15 minutes Amy insisted on joining us.

Amy in a jolly mood. Unprompted stacked her stacking boxes. Unfortunately she did it on the couch so when she tried to stand to stand the next one they fell down. She looked sad and confused for just a moment before moving on.

Noah, the early riser, got up on his own accord, got himself ready quickly and is cheerful as usual. What a great guy! Sniffles.

Sarah is trying her best to happily get ready for school and entertain Amy at the same time since Amy won't leave her side.

Tommy remains in bed of course. He doesn't know it but his bus had a route change and won't pick him up until 8:15. I'll let him stay in bed a bit this morning.

Monday, August 23, 2004

I smell the lunatic. Watch for murph.


Mobile Email from a Cingular Wireless Customer http://www.cingular.com

From the Mouths of Babes

One of the unique pleasures you have as a parent is one that no new parent ever really thinks about or expects and that is sitting on the side of your tub cheerleading for your two year old as she sits on the toilet.

Dad: "You can do it! Push out the poop."
Amy, pointing to the pictures on her special toilet seat: "Look Daddy! A duck!"
Dad: "Do ducks poop?"
Amy, shaking head: "NooOOO"
Dad: "Yes they do. Ducks poop."
Mom from hallway: "Everyone Poops."
Dad's inner thoughts: That book is wrong.
Dad: "Does Molly poop?"
Amy: "No"
Dad: "Are you sure?"
Amy: "Molly poops inside!"

Ugh! Back to cheerleading... "Push the poop out! You can do it! Aw, that was a poot not a poop. Keep trying. Push it out! Shove it out! Waaaayy out!"



I find this humourous and interesting. My referrer log shows that within 28 seconds I had visitors from:
22 Aug, Sun, 22:32:31 http://monk101.blogspot.com/
22 Aug, Sun, 22:32:59 http://adirian.blogspot.com/

Of course, if you are not a fan of the show "Monk" then this has little meaning. And yes, I know "Adrian" but its close!

A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Alarm at 4. Woke strongly at 5. Sat in bed until 5:11 being excited that I would get an hour's work in bedfore waking the kids. Slept deep! Work at 5:12. That was wierd. Decided to lie in bed and ponder how 1 minute of sleep could feel like an hour. Woke at 6:14 to rise.

Today is to be action packed. A charitable friend is going to save my tail a bit by paying me to do some work on his house that he otherwise would have done himself. He also knows I would do the work for free. It's good to be loved.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Guys don't get it

this is an audio post - click to play

Ok. Here is where I mess up as a guy. My wife wants a clean house. I see the dog chewing on a dryer sheet and I think, "wow! I can keep the wife happy by throwing this trash away and keep the dog from getting ill at the same time." So as I walk past my wife to get to the trash can, while I have one leg in motion she turns toward me and crams a bottle of spray n wash in my hand holding the dryer sheet, and a spray bottle into the other hand and turns back to her washing machine without a word.

Stupid move #1: Walking too close to a woman in task mode
Stupid move #2: Asking the question, "What do you want me to do with these?" Agast woman replies, "You looked like you needed something to do."
Stupid move #3: Blogging this and pondering writing an essay on the subject of "looking like you needed something to do" because it occurs to me that rarely when I have been doing nothing have I heard those words. They usually occur when I am indeed doing something. I can only assume that my deaf ear is missing a word.

Let's extrapolate:
"You" No hidden meaning there. I think that is pretty direct and to the point. No other words yet so nothing to read between.

"looked" Ok. Was I looking? That could very well be part of the problem. She has misinterpreted my desire to not walk into walls as 'seeking' instead of 'seeing.' Let's see. Put it together "You looked" Hmm.. Past tense? Could mean she actually was examining me. Ah! Checkin' out my bod! That's natural, ok, and to be expected. Now the hard part. Let's look for what is missing. "You lazy son of a gun looked" "You ignoramous looked" "You looked stupid" Not quite there.

"like" A comparison. I see where this is going. It's sexual. She's comparing me to old glorified memories of previous lovers. Remembering 5 inch Charlie as 10 inch John. Obviously this is a cry for more nurturing and touching. My baby needs a hug!

"you" see above. Except! Let's read the hidden meaning. "You looked like you" So obviously she has this image of me at an earlier time in our relationship stuck in her head and longs for me to be that way again. As I picked up the trash from the floor I commited a chivalrous bowing motion that caused her to swoon and long for my presence to be extended. Since it was obvious that I was about to make a hasty exodus she had to confuse and delay me thus the placing of two foreign objects in my hands without instruction. Her inner thought, "that'll stupify the moron for 10 minutes."

"needed" She's lonely. Not in a male sexual relationship kind of way but for a same sex friend to lean on companion kind of way. You know. Two women that can be best of friends and share secrets until one day they are being silly and things get a little out of hand then they can't ever talk to each other but individually live the rest of their lives with that echo in their head "hey, that was kind of nice and he just doesn't do the same thing." But mostly I think when she says "needed" she is seeing my feminine side. Perhaps it showed in my grace as I swooped down to gently remove the dryer sheet from the canine's canines. And she relates to me better now the way she would relate to that best friend. Cool! I'm getting laid!

"something" I'm getting laid!

"to" Twice!

"do" I'm getting laid!

All in all when you come down to it, I am pretty certain that "You looked like you needed something to do" really means "You looked like you were doing the wrong thing and I needed to correct you and have you do the thing that I needed you to do."

Yes dear.

Bull Moose Jackson - Greatest Hits: My Big Ten Inch
Bull Moose Jackson - Greatest Hits: I Want a Bowlegged Woman
A History of Banned Bands & Censored Songs


George Bush's resume

Of Grasshoppers

Student: I have such dreams!
Master: There are dreamers that dream. There are dreamers that do. Which are you?

Poverty- An Insider's View

The automobile insurance has lapsed.
The fire protection on the house has lapsed.

The next things to go in rapid succession are cable tv (yes a luxury), Internet (a necessity), cell phones, electricity and house phone.

The funny thing about losing a utility or getting behind on a bill is that when you get a small amount of money you still can't pay the bill because its jacked with reconnection fees and late fees and penalties so you end up making a choice between one bill and another. The same amount of money may have previously covered both bills but now you have to skip one to pay the other. Later you will have to pay the skipped one and it will have all the same fees and penalties so you will be back to squares.

Fire protection is right around $200 for the year. Let's say now that its expired that the house catches fire. They still show up. They still save the lives and put the fire out. However, you then end up with a $9000+ bill to pay for water, salaries, etc. So, if you could not afford the protection when you had a house with a computer and a potential means, how are you supposed to pay $9k with everything water damaged and burned?

Political Views

My policital compass:
Economic Left/Right: -4.88
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -4.77

I think like Dalai Lama!

A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
woke again at 4am. The other day it ws 4:44 (I enjoy that). 4am is my magic time. It's when I should be getting up. The time is established. Now I need to work on will power.

Time to brew coffee and program.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

The end could be near

Tuesday is potentially the end of our Internet connection. If on Monday I by some miracle put $142.98 into the cable company's coffers then I get to extend us a month. There is only 1 minor chance of this happening.

Anyhow, if my wife and I suddenly stop answering emails and blog posts abruptly quit don't jump to the worst of conclusions. Just look for me on the corner of Kingston Pike and Morrell with a sign that says "Will program for a cable connection...and no, I didn't part in the Deane Hill shopping center's parking lot."

Chaos begins

I am paying dearly for not getting up in time. The dog is caged (I can't walk far from her), Noah is up and Amy just announced herself. I have pulled out the 409 cleaner but not even squeezed the trigger once.

Television is a demon. Noah has Gameboy in one hand and the television remote in the other. I hate that! After his show wasn't on he went to town looking for a different show. I finally said, "you aren't even dressed" and took the television and the gameboy away. He has to be limited to only 2 hours a day. That is a difficult one to enforce.

A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Set the alarm for 4am. It was critical that I get up. I got up at 6:10.

Walking the dog really slows me down. But I have to make some effort to train her to do her business outside. I'm conflicted because I don't want her waking the household. So, do I proceed with training and have my tasks delayed or do I skip the training and let her make a mess on the floor?

This is going to be a long day.

Friday, August 20, 2004


* Destroyed my relationship.
* Picked up residential client's computer for weekend maintenance
* Picked Sarah up from her first and last cross country practice. "I don't like to sweat."

Trekkies, Philosophers and Spiritualists Step Up!

Physicists have carried out successful teleportation with particles of light over a distance of 600m across the River Danube in Austria.


* went to friend's house to evaluate construction effort. Actually right up my alley and looks almost fun
* dropped check at back to bring balance to $0.47
* dropped kayak at consignment store..it might sell within the next year
* picked up sour cream for tonight's dinner along with toilet paper (sorta related to dinner) with some loose change pulled from the couch cushions
* returned home to further piss off the wife


* Met with Scout leader to discuss my duties as his assistant
* Performed some computer maintenance for a residential client and received a payment that will bring the back to only negative $1.03 (think I'll scrape together 150 pennies to get that positive 47 cents
* Discussed kayak with interested party but he wants a 5 hour block of one of my weekends so we can try it out on the water before buying it. I wonder what a kayak brings at a pawn shop?
* Email sent to overseas client regarding bid
* Scheduled time to pickup computer with a new residential maintenance client
* Scheduled time to evaluate construction work with friend
* Discussed programming job with employer prospect. Indeed, I'm not the right fit in this case. Great conversation!
* Put Amy down for a nap...rather, she fell asleep sitting up on the couch so I got a diaper on her and carried her downstairs.
* Got positive email from overseas client regarding bid but he will not be able to answer my questions until Monday

Next tasks:
* Return call to job prospect
* Try to reach prospective maintenance client
* Print marketing regarding content management
* Print marketing regarding computer maintenance
* Cold calls
* Sub-contraction cold calls
* Construction contracting to friend
* Kayak to local consignment store
* Eat lunch
* Bid for web development job

(none of that is in order)

Today's Mystery Bank Charge

$1.00 for an "Image Statement Fee"

Rough Morning

I tell the kids we are leaving at 7:15. At 7:15 I find that Sarah is walking Amy to the car (apparently Amy put on her own shoes and stood by the door ready to go) and Noah comes in to get permission for Amy to go. Well, you can't exactly say, "No" when it is already happening unless you want total anger and chaos. Silly me. I got total anger and chaos anyway.

Sarah gets Amy to the car and Amy won't get in her car seat so I ask Sarah to return her to the house. Sarah goes to the house and comes back with Amy. I blow my stack declaring "we are supposed to be at the bus stop now. Get her in her seat!" Sarah says, "Well go." And I reply, "I can't. My kids aren't buckled." I used stronger language and that was wrong and inappropriate. I feel badly over my loss of temper. I am weak.

Amy settles. We drive to Sarah's friend's house and pick up two more passengers while Noah's friend and older brother head up to the bus stop on foot. I drop Noah at his stop and offer the older brother the opportunity to ride in the car with 3 girls. In hindsight, I should have said, "There are three girls in this car!" Nudge Nudge. Either way I am pretty sure he would have said no and I really don't want to encourage the boys until they get their half brain allotment at age 25. So I drive the girls to their stop and drop them off.

Sarah is either too angry to speak or simply fails to remember to say goodbye to Amy or Amy is admanant that she is supposed to be with the big girls today so we have hysterics as I pull away from the stop.

As I pull up to Noah's stop, Amy calms. I get her out of the car and she grabs her Dora backpack and stands with the boys. We hear a train in the distance and Amy lights up and says, "I heard a noise. A train!"

Note that the shoes are on backwards but she did them herself and stood at the door ready to go. Posted by Hello
The bus pulls up and Amy declares, "Bus! Noah bus!" The four school children load up and I tell Amy to say, "bye bye" and she tears up. She then wants to play hide and go seek in the yard where the bus stops so she covers her eyes and walks toward a tree. Being on the slow and stupid side I pick her up and throw her in the car rather than letting her get to the tree, count to five, then run to the car. Learn. Learn. Learn!

In the car she refuses to get into her car seat so I close the door and get in the front seat to read the paper while she decides what she will do. She decided rapidly and promptly opened the door. Ok. New trick. So I find the child lock and turn it on (the older kids will love that) and I read the paper some more. I ponder just making the short drive with her unbuckled but that would be asking for trouble. I'm sure I let Murph down when I made that decision. So I wrestle her into the seat and she screams and cries. Once home I figure she will pop from the seat. I unbuckle the chest buckle and notice the enourmous amount of mucus pouring down her face so I go up front to get my previously Amy soiled hanky and she decides to rebuckle herself. Ok. Now she doesn't want to get out? They get their "let's screw with the male's head gene" early don't they?

We finally get into the house and she is not happy but not unhappy either. I think her cold just has her really down. Plus her normal daytime playmates are not around anymore.

Prepared to die?

All day yesterday I felt like I was going to stroke out. I mean felt it so strong that I went online to check the symptoms. The fibrillations under my right rib cage were constant. The pressure in my head so great that I felt like someone had a vice on my skull. My arms pulsing. At one point I half way doubled over when a cramp in my right chest cavity hit me suddenly.

Makes you wonder if you are ready to die? I look around and my house is not prepared for me to die. My files are not in order. My passwords not conveniently recorded for my wife. I have journals I am not sure I would want read. I have some innocent things that taken out of context might cause people to question my character. I am not spiritually content. What of my soul? There is no life insurance to help the family. We are so caught up in our own chaos that we have become isolated. We live as hermits amongst thousands of strangers.

Our life force can be extinguished at a moments notice in any nonsensical way. Should we not be prepared for death the moment we leave the shelter of our parents care? While under their care should they not prepare it for us?

Who Is This Guy?

All my life I've been a good person and try to go out of my way to help others often at my own sacrifice or expense. When I was 8 years old I had a moral delimia. As a scout, we went to a farm to ride horses. I was the last to pick my horse and I had to decide between the largest horse and a donkey. The event was for the scouts and one of the older sisters of another scout was there and would ride whichever beast I did not choose. Even though I wanted to ride the largest horse, I felt the chivalrous act would be to give her the large horse while I chose the donkey. That sums up the way I have lived my life. It is probably the act that put that type of behavior in motion for me. Of course, you could say I just let myself get walked on an used.

I do not know how to ask for help. I have been trying to get a job since the beginning of the year and keep getting turned down with excuses like "you are over qualified" or "we can't afford you." Now my family is down to the final pieces of our last roll of toilet paper and the gas is almost gone in the car. As a matter of fact, I think I've been so helped that my karma has run out. It's time to go work at McDonald's.

Had a decent bit of advice today. I was told "water down your resume."
A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Went to sleep last night at roughly 12:30. Tried to convince myself to stay up and work but I needed a couple of hours of shuteye. Woke at 5am to lie in bed pondering how our last few coins should be spent--toilet paper and maybe a half gallon (1.8 liter) of gas. Thoughts shifted to "how can I get out of bed and get dressed without waking the dog because if she wakes before I am dressed to take her out then she will pee while I am getting dressed." That thought bought me 15 minutes of lounging time. Rose at 5:40 get get dressed and clean up the mess that apparently some rogue horse snuck into our house and left for us last night.

I claim the dog is house broken. It now knows that once I take it outside, the minute we come back insides is the minute to empy bladder and bowels.

Thursday, August 19, 2004


* Questions regarding a quote sent to client. Ballpark included.
* Discussion on status of 2nd quote over the phone. Working quote now.
* Bath. It's kind of hard to express how significant this is.
* Cooked dinner
* 3rd grade parent orientation
* Watched Penn & Teller - Bullsh*t! on legalizing drugs. I for one don't believe Penn has never done drugs.
* Spoke with a friend about selling his product


I have no voice
I have lost my desire to speak

Poem - I Build Sand Castles

I build sand castles

This one I built too weak
Too many gains of sand
Too much thinking
Not enough water to drink.
Yes, this one is large
But it is weak.

This one was fine
But in my clumsiness
I stepped on it.
It is ok. We made repairs.
But then I stepped on it again.
The first castle crumbled some
And caused more damange
To this one fine creation.

The second castle is neat.
It stands alone
Separate from the others
But not untainted by their shadows.
This castle has sound engineering
And award winning architecture
But it stands alone.

There is sand in this bucket
That wants to be a castle.
It is so eagar.
Its particles spill from the container.
What will it be? Nothing without me.
However, I screwed up the other three.
There is sand in this bucket.
Stay there and I'll protect thee.

These castles are built upon a hill.
It is strong and provides a wonderful foundation.
I undermine it. I steal its dirt from the base
To use for the castles upon its crest.
I undermine it and destroy the foundation
That provides for the other crumbling castles.

One other castle beneath this hill
Washed away so long ago.
The sands spread among the tears of the Ocean
Perhaps return to the beach one day to become
An insignificant part of yet another
Poorly built castle.

Oh look! I was mistaken.
I build my castles in the sky
Now the rain comes
And washes my sand to the by and by.

--DM 8/04


* Last night sat down with a partner of mine and discussed a quote for a website. Some more details to be worked out. Everything will collapse before anything comes to fruition but at least I'm not going down without a fight

* A client paid a same sum last night into paypal. 3 days later it will arrive in my back account provided the account hasn't been shutoff by then. Of course the payment will just about cover the fees that have accumulated at that point.

* Another resume submitted! This one for a DBA position. I would enjoy a fulltime job just working on a database.

* Called to inquire about a computer tech job at a doctor's office. Will fax resume to them shortly.

Of Grasshoppers

Student: How do I ask for help?
Teacher: Just like that.

Pepe Le Pue!

A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Woke this morning at 2:05am to a smell that I was certain meant the dog and a major dump. I was not looking forward to cleaning this one up and initially pulled the covers over my head to ignore it but it permeated strongly everywhere and I got up to find it. I searched and searched. As I looked in the office and woke a little more I realized that I wasn't smelling dog mess but skunk. Something must have had an altercation with a skunk last night directly behind the house. It was horrible! And usually I don't mind the smell of skunk.

Well I was awake enough to get working but allowed the bed to pull me back in. I muted the television thinking the light would awaken me and encourage me to get dressed and get to work. At 4am I turned the television off. At 6am I rose.

The bus driver did as he promised and turned into the neighborhood. I almost convinced him to do the full loop! Can you imagine the parents excitement as the bus drove past their house! Unfortunately he must have changed his mind and took the first shortcut out of the neighborhood. But this holds so much promise! Now to figure out the middle school stop.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004


* Earlier I got some database redesign concerning the login security accomplished on my overseas project

* The kayak washing has begun to prepare it for sale.

* The domain transfers appear near completion. Left to do: a) make sure the inlaws can retrieve their unretrieved mail and b) send a letter cancelling the previous hosting.

Kudos to the new host! The transfer was seamless!

* Touched base with one client regarding additional work and scheduled it for 1.5-2 weeks out


I submitted a resume! The job actually referenced ColdFusion!

Making payment arrangements with Cingular so that they don't cut off my phone. Kind of hard to get a job if people can't call you. Good. Done. Now they cut me off on the first of September.

Time to Move

KnoxNews explains why I can't get a technology job here.

Clark Gillespy, who makes his living helping companies figure out where to build new manufacturing plants, was asked how attractive Knoxville is to new industry during a Tuesday luncheon at Club LeConte.
"Bio-pharm, high tech - you're at the lower end of the spectrum,"
Venture capital: Funding in the $100 million-plus range is required to build a base of growing technology companies, Gillespy said. While tech firms might begin here, he said, "If you want to keep it here, you've got to have enough of a venture capital pool to keep it here."
So, the old money tightwads are screwing us.


This picture and caption are a perfect example of the stronghanded, Orwellian tactics that the Bush supporters wish to see implemented throughout our country. They are insecure submissives that lack control of their own lives and would happily give up their freedoms to have someone impose control on them. By George [pun] I've figured it out! Pro-Busher's need therapy!!

Love my children

Amy is such a big girl now. It's fun to watch her as she makes decisions. She is eatting her first cheese toast (that I know of) and she goes to her table and pulls her chair out all without a thought never moving her eyes from Dora. Then a big yawn!

Now, don't get me wrong. I think the same thing about each of the children but the older ones often engage me more while they are doing their wonders and I don't get the pleasure of writing about them.

Poverty- An Insider's View

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be staring at your last roll of toilet paper unsure of what you will do when it is gone? Counting down to the last diaper? Wondering if you should be watering down the milk and apple juice? Intentionally skipping meals to make sure that your children do not go without? Calculating how many miles the car can go before you run out of gas and pondering how many interviews that will get you and if you get a job how many work days you will make before having to tell the boss you don't have transportation? Knowing that you could take the bus but recognizing that the bus requires money that you don't have? Wondering how resumes will get submitted and jobs found for an IT person without an Internet connection?

It's not much fun.

Miracle 1

I scavenged enough gas from the lawn mower can to get Cathy to her luncheon meeting and back today.

Now to program for an hour.


The temp agency called to tell me that the client is still reviewing resumes. I'm going to be reviewed into living under a bridge!

Seeking Capital

I have two viable business models that each could separately be very profitable. I had hoped hold onto these and one day with my own investment money grow them as businesses. However, the time has come to share the wealth so angel investors, venture capitalist, and loan sharks step forward! A non-compete and non-disclosure await.

Task Management

I have so much to do that I am often overwhelmed. I will go to my grave with so much undone that I will certainly become histories most restless soul.

I am still using the Covey system of time management (see: "First Things First" by Stephen R Covey) but I am complimenting it with note cards. Each task is written on a note card so that I can only see (and think about) one task at a time. Each task gets a minimum of one very focused hour and then has the option of returning to the bottom of the stack. The tasks do not have to be done in order. Upon completion, the card may be burned.

A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
I guess my body needed some sleep; my priorities and my mind certainly did not desire it. To bed at 12:30am and up at 6:15am.

Must make miracles today.


Spent part of the evening getting 4 domains transferred including confirming the setup of the email accounts, transfer of files, backup of logfiles (that was tedious), creation of ftp accounts, etc. This was a task I've majorly procrastinated on. Felt great to get it done!

Finish the game!

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Good Job Blogger! (aka Wacky Stats)

Blogger did a great job with removing that horrid ad banner and replacing it with a fun, functional, and sleek toolbar. The search feature for searching a single blog is a fantastic addition (albeit Soople has reminded us of Google's shortcut for this for some time). The best thing is obvious the "next blog" random blog hit. I've looked at my stats and some others and for the past two days they have been filled with "wierdness" as referrers have inexplicably come from completely unrelated blogs. Everyone's hits are up! Of course, our metrics for judging how we are promoting our sites are completely thrown off now!

Obviously the blogsphere is enjoying this feature quite a bit! Thanks Blogger.

It's amazing we make it to adulthood

Smoke the cancer away

Has smoking cigarrettes caused you cancer? Fight it back by smoking weed!

Cannabis extracts may shrink brain tumours and other cancers by blocking the growth of the blood vessels which feed them...
Warning! NewScientist uses popups to promote magazine subscriptions

When to break bad habits?

So I know that I code with some bad habits. Some of the things that I teach people not to do still turn up in my code. So when is the correct time to break these habits? Breaking habits takes time. Time is money so when money is low it leads us to believe this is not the time to break the bad habits. However, if we can strive to break one or two as we go its better than not trying at all.

It is time to review my authentication method for securing my websites as I move into the login process of my overseas project. I anticipate that I will find that my methods are still up-to-date and secure. Macromedia provides a good read on the topic with "Building Secure Applications with ColdFusion MX 6.1".

Ah! "In ColdFusion 5 and earlier, the application developer would write all of the code necessary to manage whether or not a user is logged in, validate a user’s identity and credentials against an authorization store, and so forth. In ColdFusion MX, a framework of tags and functions are provided to handle much of the authentication tasks" Sure enough... My techniques are out of date.

This is key! With web server authentication if not using SSL then the username and password are sent as a "base64-encoded string with each request" so without SSL the web server authentication is very weak.

Hmm. That article turned out to be a bit of a let down. In summary, it was a configuration document for configuring RDS on a CFMX box. The only other insigth was that MM has provided builtin tags to replace all the hard work I did on my authentication scripts and roles based security custom tags. So much for all my cool points. See: cflogin, cfloginuser, cflogout, GetAuthUser, IsUserInRole, and the docs on Securing Applications.


Master: I demand 1 hour undivided programming.
Student: So shall it be.

The Machines Are Coming! Where's Arnold!

As our technology evolves so that Electric fields assemble devices and Intelligent Fastening Electronics will machines begin to be able to put themselves together? Will they grow to evolve themselves? Are we seeing the beginnings of The Singularity?


We just had a brown out. Of course, I noticed that line trucks are all over the place working on the power lines today.

Poverty - An Insider's View

I paid KUB the negotiated amount. That means we have power for two more weeks. Leaves us $13 in the bank account and an empty tank of gas.

New house rules: If it doesn't make money, I am not doing it. Sleeping doesn't make money. Eatting doesn't make money. Cleaning doesn't make money. Bathing doesn't make money. This will work...

The Tommy Inside All of Us

When I was 9 and a half or so we moved from Cary, North Carolina to Kenner, Lousiana and we lived there until I was 13 and a half. We always made our moves during the summer so that it didn't interfere with school. My birthday falls in October. Moves are always halves.

For my 10th, 11th, 12th or 13th birthday, my folks thrilled me with a birthday party at the local go-cart track and arcade. The track was shaped like:
The Track
We were given instructions to run the track as such:
The Intended Path
It was hinted to us that we could make better time by "cutting the corners" as indicated by the blue marks here:
The Suggestion
My interpretation and execution:
The Actual Path
This execution of course included jumping the go-cart over concrete curbs, red-neck driving it through mud and grass, and culminating with my father's consideration of executing me, and the track owner wanting to have us all removed. Some apologies, clarifications and promises kept us having a good time but I felt miserable that my innocent misinterpretation had caused so much trouble and the internal punishment and agony dwelled for a long time. I also felt like a failure in my father's eyes.

Tommy is not so much different than the rest of us. He is just a bigger target on the radar.

Hit the ground fighting

Today I watched the bus blow past the stop again. Fortunately I had begun calling transportation before that time so I had already been through 10 minutes of busy signals when it happened. As the kids clambered into the car distressed that they were going to be counted tardy, transportation answered the phone. As I read the person on the other end a firm but not over the top riot act the kids cheered me on and volunteered their commentary. Noah, "Yeah!" Ashley, "Who are you calling?" Alex, "Why won't our bus pick us up?"

When the lady on the end of the phone suggested that we may not be standing close enough to the stop (a terribly busy road with many accidents) I started in with an excited series of questions like "do you mean you want me to have my kids stand closer to Northshore? What do you want me to do, have them in the middle of the street?" It wasn't until she said, "I just answer the phones" and I replied with, "good. Now I want you to stop 'just answering the phones' and figure out a way to get this bus to pick up my kids!" that she decided to hangup on me.

30 minutes later the phone quit ringing busy and I had the pleasure of speaking with another person. By this time, the school secretary and I already had a discussion with the bus driver. Of course a few sentences into the conversation Cingular drops my cellular connection so I was right back to busy signals but this time for only about 4 minutes.

The discussion with the bus driver, a nice guy, went like this: Driver and secretary talking. I walk up and the secretary says, "oh! Here he is!" Greetings. Nicities. Me, "So what can I do to get you to stop and pick up my kids?" Driver, "I've never this stop before and I can't be stopping and having those kids cross Northshore. Can you get them on the other side of the road?" The other side of the road is a 3 foot section of grass between the busy road and a privacy fence. "[I can't have my kids stand on that dangerous road.]" Secretary, "Perhaps we need to have transportation move the stop." My thoughts of course this means 'put them on the other side of the road with the middle schoolers' which as far as I'm concerned works for me. Me, "In the meantime, if I step out into Northshore, stop the cars, and act as a crossing guard, will you stop?" Driver, "Sure."

Back to transportation. The next call gets me back to the person that hung up on me. After getting her name, I ask, "What can I do to get you to not hang up on me?" She replies, "Be nice. Don't yell at me." My reply, "First off, I didn't yell. I'm an aggrivated father that has watched the bus blow past his kids stop 3 out of 4 days and 1 day it didn't even show up. And you were suggesting that my kids need to stand on a dangerous road to get it to stop." Next I make apologies and agree to not yell if she agrees to hear me out. I compliment the driver as being nice, explain the situation, suggest 3 alternative solutions as well as pointing out the numerous other students that would ride the bus if it wasn't on Northshore, and she explains she will look into it and get back to me.

Electricity is overrated

For those of you that have never been poor, let me give you an example of the daily trials and tribulations. Today, if I don't come up with $260.40 cash our electricity gets cut off. Now, the last time I waited until the day of the cut off to pay it we still got cut off. Cash? Why not call it in over the phone? Oh, that's because of 2 bounced checks in my history that cause me to have to pay at the office in person (roughly a 1 hour round trip waste of my day that could have been spent generating money to pay the bills). They won't accept credit cards from me either.

From the Mouths of Babes

Noah, "Dad can I save the newspapers that we get?"
Dad, "Why?"
Noah, "Because I want to collect them."
Dad, "Um, I am going to have to say 'no' since you don't even read the paper."
Noah, "But one day I might want to read a funny from last year."
Dad, "The library collects them for you. They have really old papers too. If you wanted to see what was happening on this day in 1942 you could. Alright?"
Noah, "Alight."

Morning routine

Now I sit before the computer, unable to focus on anything but bustling kids (except for Tommy who moans and stretches then rolls over and sleeps again). This is my opportunity to blog, read blogs, read news and plan my day.

Dog Not Training

I've now got the dog trained so that immediately after walking it outside it poops in the house. I know how to fix this but I don't have the time.

Restless Night

A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Tommy came down at 11pm to explain that he could not sleep. At 1:15 in the morning I jumped awake probably due to something Tommy was doing but when I checked on him he was pretending pretty good or he was actually asleep. At 4:15am Noah's alarm clock went off and I had to encourage him to get back to sleep. At 5am my biological clock said, "get up." and at 5:15 I rose.

The bank is now charging me $6 per day plus $32 on any transaction that tries to go through (which should be none) until I get the account positive again. So, let me see if I understand this right. You are broke so we are going to charge you more money. Keep 'em down! Soon they will threaten to close the account and lecture me on how I will be unable to re-establish myself with any bank.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Oh the blur!

I used to wonder wonder what kind of person buys glasses at the check out of convenience stores. Now I know. It's those working, uninsured blind people like myself that lose their glasses and have no other options but to squint or use something "close."


So I have noticed that occasionally I get this strange fibrillation in my chest as if my heart instead of going "da thump da thump da thump" instead goes "da thump pause thump thump thump pause da thump." I have always found it interested that toward the base of my sternum I can effectively watch my pulse. Now the pattern I described I actually feel slightly in my chest but mostly can feel with my hand at the base of my ribs on my right side. If I place a business card on my stomach there I can watch the card jump like a Mexican jumping bean or a metronome.

Cathy says it is anxiety but I think I am handling my stress fine. I'm not concerned about it but its one of those times where if I had insurance I'd consider consulting my gp. It is a little annoying because it's one of those unnatural things your body decides to do that you have no control over. Like a water torture or an eye twitch.

Of Grasshoppers

Student: Am I weak?
Master: You were before you asked.

From the Mouths of Babes

The tea pot whistles with my hot water for my oat meal. Amy looks at me perplexed and says, "Wht's that noise?" with emphasis on 'what' and 'that'. So its rythmic like "Wht's! *pause* ThAT *andante* nooiise?"


Knox County Transportation (594-1550) rings busy thing morning.

We showed up for the bus at 7:20. The bell rings at 7:45. 7:46 the kids are officially late. So I drop Noah with the other parent that comes to the stop then I rush Sarah and her friend to their bus stop since I really don't approve of them crossing Northshore. Traffic on Northshore today going east bound was beyond bad. After dropping the older girls I return to find Noah and friends still at their stop. 7:45 comes and goes and I check to make sure I can't see the bus stuck in traffic. We load the car up and I use the backroads by going west bound so that I am not 20 minutes in traffic to drive 1 mile (1.5 km). On the backroads I pass the bus going the other direction. I still beat it to school and negotiate no tardies for the children that have been told "if you are late on Monday you will be counted tardy regardless." The new principal is very nice! At 8:00 I am returning home and I pass the bus in traffic on Northshore still unarrived at the school. (or had it already been to the school and was now doing its middle school route?)

1 hour until the M-Team at the high school. Just enough time to get ready to go and maybe review the Jobs section of the news paper. I like how it has been switched from "Careers" to "Jobs." The concept of a career is dying.
A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
I am completely wigged out this morning but working hard to stay calm. I woke naturally at 5am and Molly encouraged me to get out of bed by 5:30 which was good. I really like getting up early.

The day started calm and then I became tense when I found out we had to leave earlier than planned. Some adjustments and a brief fight with Tommy. He was calling his brother a "dummy" and his brother was participating by calling Tommy a "dummy" but became frustrated and hit Tommy. When I asked Tommy to come talk to me he started yelling. We arrived at the meeting location to hand Amy off to the grandparents 30 minutes late. I made good time getting to Severville and we arrived at the barn before the crowds. We had a one hour ride with the guide in the lead, then Noah, Sarah, Cathy, Tommy and myself. I got horse that I swear the guy called it "Dog" but back at the barn they told me it was "Dot" so the entire trip I'm talking to my horse saying "Good dog!" I bet the guide was laughing his tail off. Probably an intential joke on the dad as when you return to the barn if you can't remember your horse's name you are suppose to either kiss the lady in the barn or the pig. Dog had one speed and twice Dog and I had some difference of opinion about who was in control. For the most part, it was a responsive horse without needing to use the harsh steering techniques and kicking that the guide taught to us.

Noah during the ride was so excited that he refused to be quiet. "Hour many hours do you work?" "How many horses do you have?" This. That. More. Chatter. As two skunks crossed the trail right in front of Noah (Noah saw only 1) the guide tried to get him to shut his mouth because a startled skunk is a smelly skunk. Afterwards at the petting zoo Noah seemed afraid of all the animals. I have to get him around critters more often so that he becomes more comfortable with them. He is even very timid around Molly that demands attention and I'm not sure if he ever pets Lucy or the cats unprompted. He had a great day of it. His best quote from the ride, "Ewww! My horse pooted!" Noah was a great help with the two year olds.

Sarah was in hog heaven. I think she enjoyed the day more than anyone else. She took the riding in stride and seemed totally at ease and completely enjoying it. In addition to the skunks she saw a wild deer. Her quote came just before Noah's as she was riding behind Noah, "EEEEW!" Her one moment of clumsiness came when her horse walked her into a low hanging thick vine and she struggled to push it around her without falling off the horse. I thought the vine was going to come down instead branches fell just barely missing Tommy's horse. Sarah was last to leave from the petting zoo and would have spent the night there if permitted.

Tommy seemed to really have a good time. At STAR he is never without someone beside him to help. As we started the ride, all the lead horses went down the path and Tommy's horse got a mind to go down a steep incline shortcut to the path. Tommy's best quote came then with a shaky, "Whooooaaaaa!" This Western riding certainly had to have a different feel than the English riding to which he is accustomed. He had a great time but toward the end I think he became bored as he started grabbing for every branch he could reach from which to pull leaves. I was certain he was going to over extend and fall so I brought a quick halt to it. In the end he was getting sweaty and repeatedly put down his raines to tuck his shirt under his arms. Looks like he is doing the chicken dance whenever he does that. Back at the petting zoo Tommy found a baby goat and just sat on the ground caressing it over and over. It was very sweet. He enjoyed the petting zoo very much. Tommy, unlike Noah, is really into animals.

The rest of the family had a great time. Amy was incredibly happy and talkative having spent much time with her cousins and as an animal person ate up the petting zoo. Cathy and I really enjoyed seeing the kids have such a great time.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Started this morning by stepping in a puddle of urine that an over excited puppy put on the floor to tell me how happy she was that I was getting out of bed to walk her.

Noah just revealed to me that Amy's sometimes early rising is not due to her needing to be let out of the room but due to his need to have a playmate. Amy sleeps now but Noah was on his way back to "get her out." Funny.

Today we take Tommy horseback riding. Noah says, "Since I'm not training I won't be doing any jumping. Maybe some hopping but not jumping." The riders will be Tommy, Sarah, Noah, Cathy and myself (maybe Amy).

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Family Visitin'

Uncle Matt says to his son, "Gabriel, let's go see cousin Tommy, cousin Sarah, cousin Noah and Cousin Amy."
Gabriel (2 years old), "Amen!"

Matt, at this point I am told to prompt you to start blogging as you could tell these stories!


Work safe - sound Craquerstan

Finish the Game

So the other day when I lost productivity to cleaning the dogs cage I decided to let it air dry because I was pooped from washing the dog of poop. Being a lazy dog has now bit me in the tail because the very nice cage has rust on it. I am working hard to clean it of rust. I have the opposite of the Midas touch.

This could have been prevented by finishing what I started the day I first clean the cage.
A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Today we have relatives in town. Cathy's father has his exams today and everyone is anxious to hear the doctor's words. At some point we will have cake, ice cream for Tommy and presents for Tommy.

Friday, August 13, 2004

iPod vs Cassette

A comparison of music storage options

Build a Better Bush

Work Safe - no sound. My personal fav is: combover, dreaming, needs a shave With Bald, Dreaming, Moustached he could be a character from Matrix. here

Crooked Business

So, I happen to look at the details of my phone bill, a luxury I don't often make time for, and discovered that Integretel 800-736-7500 has billed me on behalf of Residential Voicemail 800-331-0641 whose automated operator is quick to state that "as you know, setup fees are not refundable." They go on to state "due to hurricane conditions in Florida, our offices are closed on Friday, August 13th." Fortunately, Bellsouth has a couple of blocking services that, due to regulation, they are only allowed to mention if I bring them up first.

The first is called "pig blocking" which is to prevent the "slamming" that MCI was notorious for. Slamming is when a long distance carrier solitics you and when you say "no" they switch your service anyway. Pig blocking requires your phone carrier to confirm a long distance service change or other toll charge changes by calling you directly before instituting the change.

The 2nd is "3rd party billing blocking" which simply doesn't let any 3rd party such as AOL or these assorted evil voice mail companies (usually associated with dating services btw) bill directly to your local phone bill. It means instead you get an additional bill and lose a little convenience. Well, if you didn't want the service in the first place then they aren't providing you a convenience are they?

Bellsouth was kind enough to put the charge under investigation and sent it back to the company "Residential Voicemail." Of course, the block will prevent them from further billing. Where did this come from? I saw an email sent to Tommy explaining he had signed up for a voicemail service. I suspect that to be the source.

Of Grasshoppers

Student: Why do children laugh so?
Master: Because they do not burden themselves with such questions.
A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Yesterday was a hard day.

Home Depot finally called and wanted me to work in Maryville night shift unloading trucks. I turned it down figuring that I'm too old to work the night shift and be worth a hoot during the day and that any money earned would be spent at Home Depot or in gas and autorepairs simply getting all the way out to Maryville. I am partially kicking myself.

Today: cleaning, programming, receiving relatives.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

A New Day!

Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning
Amy lost her bop (pacifier) last night so at 3:30am I was up and comforting her. As I sat upright in bed I realized I had had enough sleep for the night. I was awake, jazzed and ready to go. I pondered taking the dog for a jog around the neighbor. I pondered coding. I pondered resume writing. I pondered creating marketing materials. I pondered sleep. Since I had set no plan before initially going to sleep I could not make a decision and although it was in my best interest to stay up I choose to "lie my head down for a couple of minutes and think about what to do." Alarm goes off at 6:15 and my day starts. The next couple of hours will be consumed by children and school activities. Since our great school system scheduled Tommy for a middle school bus I will have to take him to school immediately after taking the others to their bus stops. Each stop on a dangerous road and one block away from each other. Both buses arriving almost simultaneously.

I hope to do better tonight. I will rise early again.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

The Afternoon/Evening

Let's see. Got my resume up on Futurestep and yes there is much more I could do with it there. Found that HotJobs is part of yahoo..maybe it always was..but didn't get info in there yet. Headhunter is CareerBuilder which is Microsoft. Got the process started there. Flipdog goes to http://flipdog.monster.com but I'm not sure that it is the same thing as Monster.

Got spiffied up in a tie and headed to Protemp Staffing to fill out the same information I've been putting on all the online stuff but this time I have to write it out. Then I take a test from ProveIt and the whole time I am taking the tests I am thinking that in 1994 I knew how to write stuff like ProveIt and that I have no excuse for not having been on the cover of Fortune magazine and Time Life! And I could do such a better job than ProveIt. My test scores were exceptional and it looks like they are going to try to place me in a job paying $10 or $12 per hour. I'm doing so well for myself!!

All this took much longer than expected so my 3pm became a 4:30pm. Either the muffler or the catalytic converter popped as I pressed down on the gas and the Jeep instantly became a rumbling baby monster truck. Rednecks all around sighed as their eyes teared up and they thought, "aw. Wut a purdy soundin' ngin."

During my 4:30 meeting I let my mind forget that Sarah wanted to be at the middle school at 5pm. So at 5:40pm as I am racing into the traffic jam on the interstate I can feel my temple pulsing with stress. Fortunately Cathy's mom came by to watch the boys and Amy so I headed straight toward the middle school to meet Cathy and Sarah. As the King of Backroads I shaved 15 minutes drive time and would have beat Sarah and Cathy to the school by about 1 minute had it not been for a utility truck that at rush hour had the road completely closed (as my luck would have it). A quick U-turn, a 3 mile detour and I arrived as they were entering the building.

We enjoyed seeing Sarah meet her teachers, fellow classmates and vice-principal. I made certain to be as embarassing as any dad could be. Sarah of course new the vp because of Tommy and ironically her good friend (also in her class) was known because of her brother who is also Aspergers. Our lives are often very surreal. I imagine that if our lives were depicted as a painting that it would look something akin to a joint work between Picasso and Escher made to Pink Floyd tunes while the two artists drank beer, toked some mary jane, and sniffed nose candy--that is, a melancholic master piece of conflicting frenzied chaos with undertones of genius bordering on the edge of insanity and certain to instill a sense of vertigo in the disconnected viewer but quite possibly nothing more than a disorderly finger painting. The poetic aspect of that sentence is that it has about as much sense as it was intended to convey...ergo, it stays.

I need a little down time.

Mighty Muffler Time - 0:27

this is an audio post - click to play

Redneck Jeep - 0:56

this is an audio post - click to play


I've been a total butt today. I've done in a few minutes enough yelling to cover a few months. When I do this often I am angry at myself and misdirecting the emotion. I owe some apologies.

Bad news

The project I was counting on to pay the electricity and phone was cancelled.


Here's a t-shirt for a very focused crowd.

Joe Versus Homeland Security

This tidbit makes this wanna be beachbum wanna be a mountain man. Volcano could trigger tsunami disaster for New York

The wave would strike the west African coast with a wall of water more than 300ft high in two to three hours. Within three to four hours, a 33ft high wave would smash into the south coast of England, causing immense damage. New York, Washington, Boston and Miami would be hit by successive waves abound 20 meters high. Tens of millions of people could die.