Thursday, June 30, 2005

Technical Difficulties Destroy Profitability, Cause Deadline Over-runs

So I'm programming like a mad man yesterday. Everything is going well and looking sharp then suddenly my website on my development server does not look at all like the website on the production server. It will take nearly 5 hours of troubleshooting and 5 hours of sleep to figure out what happened.

The Problem: The CSS in Mozilla Firefox don't load on the development server but load fine on the production server. To confound the issue the style sheet works in IE on both servers. The problem is reproducible from multiple computers. If the style sheet is referenced by <link> as in <link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="stylesheet.css"> it doesn't load. If it is referenced with a block it works fine.

The Solution: I found the solution in MozillaCssMimeType ()
some servers are misconfigured and return an incorrect MimeType for CSS files (typically text/plain or application/x-pointplus) which should be sent with a text/css MimeType

Adding "text/css          css" to apache's mime.types file (usually found in /etc/mime.types) solves the problem. For IIS simply map .css to text/css using:
site (or directory) properties, then HTTP Headers>File Types>New Type, .css, text/css.

Now to get to work. I feel two days behind.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Sometimes there is justice!

"Justice Souter's vote in the "Kelo vs. City of New London" decision allows city governments to take land from one private owner and give it to another if the government will generate greater tax revenue or other economic benefits when the land is developed by the new owner."
On Monday June 27, Logan Darrow Clements, faxed a request to Chip Meany the code enforcement officer of the Towne of Weare, New Hampshire seeking to start the application process to build a hotel on 34 Cilley Hill Road. This is the present location of Mr. Souter's home.
The proposed development, called "The Lost Liberty Hotel" will feature the "Just Desserts Café" and include a museum, open to the public, featuring a permanent exhibit on the loss of freedom in America. Instead of a Gideon's Bible each guest will receive a free copy of Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas Shrugged."
Clements indicated that the hotel must be built on this particular piece of land because it is a unique site being the home of someone largely responsible for destroying property rights for all Americans.

I-40 closed

I heard that around mile marker 250 I-40 is closed. Apparently at midnight last night 5 tractor trailer including a mail truck collided and burned killing one person. They are still re-routing traffic down rural roads to Hwy 70 (Kingston Pike). If you are expecting a package or planning on traveling I-40 today you might be in for a surprise.

I cannot find any information online about this which is pathethic either on my part or our news agencies or department of transportation. My information comes from a traveler's account via cell phone.

Update: Ah! Finally found the incident report.
Interstate 40 Incident, Wilson County
Date Last Revised: 6/29/2005 12:46:54 PM
Description: Interstate 40 westbound in Wilson County - Crash at MILE MARKER 239 reported at 12:40:00 AM 6/29/05 and estimated to be cleared by 2:00:00 PM 6/29/05. Westbound traffic is affected with the roadway partially blocked with the LEFT LANE OPEN. Eastbound traffic is affected with rubbernecking delays.
Incident Start: 6/29/2005 12:40:00 AM
Estimated Clearance: 6/29/2005 2:00:00 PM
Wonder if its related to:
Interstate 40 Incident, Davidson County
Date Last Revised: 6/29/2005 12:40:09 PM
Description: Interstate 40 eastbound in Davidson County - Disabled vehicle at MILE MARKER 202 (Mile Marker: 202.0 ) reported at 12:20 PM 6/29/2005 and estimated to be cleared by 12:50 PM 6/29/2005 (Central Time Zone). Eastbound traffic is affected with the roadway partially blocked.
Incident Start: 6/29/2005 12:20:00 PM
Estimated Clearance: 6/29/2005 12:50:00 PM

Free Starbucks ice cream today!

See you at the coffee shop for free ice cream on Jun 29, 2005! (thanks wife!)

Tuesday, June 28, 2005


The irony does not escape me that at the same time Batman Begins starts in the theatres that two bats begin patrolling the sky above my house. One will come in very low above our porch. They are fun to watch.

Comments Possibly Problematic

How many people are having trouble posting comments to this blog? Please leave a comment below. (alright, email Let me know what browser you are using and I'll try to narrow this down. Thanks.

The end of chocolate

Let's say you regularly had chocolate as a treat. Maybe not every day but fairly frequently. One day someone comes along and offers you a serving of the best chocolate in the world. But there is a catch. After eating that piece of the best chocolate in the world you can never eat chocolate again for the rest of your life. That means your regular treat would disappear but you would be left with the memory of this fantastic chocolate.

What would you choose?

Of Grasshoppers

Student: Is there such a thing as destiny?
Master: There are many destinies. Which would you like?


Man freezes engine and gets 120 miles per gallon.

And the latest on global warming. "experimental reactor seeks to mimic the way the sun produces energy" I see future space explorers teaching their children, "and this is an unusual galaxy. The only one of its kind and we have yet to explain how those two planets evolved an orbit between the two suns, or why the smaller sun orbits the larger sun just like the 8 planets."

Today's Forecast

89% chance of total meltdown...wait! My insurance doesn't cover that.

Regardless of wealth, we all die

"John Walton [No. 11 on Forbes Magazine list of the world's richest people with a net worth of $18.2 billion], the billionaire son of Wal-Mart founder Sam Walton and a member of the company's board, died Monday in a plane crash in Wyoming."

The plane was an experimental ultralight aircraft with a small, gasoline-powered engine and wings wrapped in fabric similar to heavy-duty sail cloth, officials said.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Of Grasshoppers

Student: How did I become such a horrible person?
Master: You have never been anything else.

Physics on the Computer

We've all seen the skeleton. Here's a variation using bubbles. Rag Doll Physics

Them fellas in the UK got class! And bling!

Thanks to James at Puerilis I will now spend the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out how to wear one of these and why you'd want it to smell like "Cheese & Onion Pasty": 9ct Gold Ringed Burberry Condoms.

I want I want I want I want

Look! It's like hands on Science Digest!
MAKE brings the do-it-yourself mindset to all the technology in your life. MAKE is loaded with exciting projects that help you make the most of your technology at home and away from home. This is a magazine that celebrates your right to tweak, hack, and bend any technology to your own will.

Bizarre Energy

Was there a full moon last night? I had so much energy about me I felt like I could manically, work through the night but forced myself to find sleep knowing that I would be useless today without some rest.

Things I Miss From College

A new theme of memory not regret.

I really enjoyed college. Had I been smarter and worked the system for scholarships or more wisely budgeted my money I could have easily been one of those people that stayed in college for 10 or 15 years.

I broke a lot of boundaries in college. I was experimental and eager to try new things. My curiosity was exposed in many unpublishables, life threatening/thrill seeking experiences, cultural exposure and so on. I was motivated to excel and worked as a desk worker in the dorm, treasurer of the hall government (fixing some impossibly screwed up books), resident assistant, help desk, activist, and undergraduate system administrator to name a few. But the thing I took particular pleasure in doing right and doing well was postage stamps.

Yes, postage stamps. There was something about doing a postage stamp just right that was very rewarding. Knowing the joy and pleasure a person would receive from one of my postage stamps made me want to find better ways to achieve a more perfect stamp. Some folks were content with the way they did post stamps, other didn't care to do them at all finding the process mundane or even displeasant; I on the other hand was the Jonathan Livingston Seagull of post stamps always seeking a more perfect way! Postage stamps had a bit of self-gratification also because they have a unique flavor on your tongue. At first they were almost acridic but with a hidden sweetness which was almost addictive creating a huge desire for more. The more postage stamps you lick, the more you want. A sloppy stamp just brings no joy. A stamp that is too dry will not reach its goal. Timing is also an issue. Not enough time spent with the postage stamp is like a big, unsatisfying tease to the envelop as the stamp is unlikely to hang around long while too much time could remove all the glue leaving a dry postage stamp also unable to reach its destination. Postage stamps are delicate and being too aggressive can ruin the stamp.

There are also tools for postage stamps and although more precise and often more effective than done by person, I find them impersonable and although appreciated by the postmaster the pleasure is more lopsided to the recipient. Alas, in this busy, electronic age I find myself with fewer opportunities to practice my skills. Perhaps I should pull out my stationary and write a letter.

From the mouths of babes

After removing her sleep diaper, Amy declares, "I'm just naked under my pants."
Ah! The profoundness! A true philosopher in the making.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Life as a Coder

There are not many times that I can talk about my work nor do I feel it is terribly appropriate to cross blog and work. I am one of those "anything computer" people. Over the years I have built computers, run networks, designed database, killed trees in the name of quality assurance, managed projects, managed people, danced on the bleeding edge, ridden the wave, and been blown up in dot bombs.

One of the positives about tech is that it moves so fast you are rarely bored; one of the negatives is it moves so fast you are rarely up to speed. For a variety of reasons easily looked up through Blingo, to make websites look right in most browser (IE, AOL-which really was IE, Netscape, Mozilla, Opera, and so on) tables were heavily used in the past. Imagine using an Excel spreadsheet to paint a picture. Now-a-days browsers have become more compliant to web standards so there is a push to create "tableless" designs since a <table> element for HTML was really intended to create a table (say, of data) rather than be used as a hack for laying out design a la paint by numbers.

A good developer will be aware of the evolving technologies and changing standards but due to high pressure deadlines, inadequate budgets, bad habits, over working, moonlighting, resistance to change, or whatever the case may be that developer may find himself doing great work but still using techniques of a time passed. If the learning curve is going to add 150% effort to a project and only give a return to the client that is only appreciated by academia and not the client's customer base then it does not make sense.

I have always tried to create websites that were cross-browser compatible (Netscape, IE, etc) and cross-platform (Mac and Windows...perhaps Linux/Unix et al) but I have not stuck with standards nor strived for artistic markup that produced compliant code. Instead I strove for well-documented code that was encapsulated, portable, extensible, and age-able. My work has always been documented within the code, and in external documents such as MS Word and Visio. A developer should easily be able to step into my code and maintain, continue or expand a project.

Typically an artist or a client provides the content and layout (in the form of a picture or MS Publisher document). My job is to use a markup language to present that content in such a way that the browser (IE, AOL, FireFox, Opera, etc) will render the content exactly as the original designer intended. This time around I decided to go for broke and make a site using current web standards that validates and uses a completely tableless design using CSS which in theory makes this site portable to a variety of devices such as telephones and means it can quickly, easily be styled to have a new look when the time comes.

I present you: Gano Café. Gano Café is an example of a static website using current standards. For an example of a database driven project using PHP see Werner Paddles and click "choose a paddle"

Working with standards has been an incredible pleasure! I now have little excuse to ever do anything less.

Job Well Done!

It's really cool when you start back on a project and are impressed with your own code.

Quick Survey

Take the MIT Weblog Survey Take the MIT Weblog Survey
I was led to the survey by Boing Boing (of course..)

Looking for the best writing on the web?

I have to say some of the most entertaining, creative writing I can find on the web is at Sanity Adrift. His posts are spaced out as if each is being drafted, proofed, re-written, tossed out, pulled from the garbage, written again, edited and finally published against a relunctant deadline of "I must move on to another topic." The time between posts is rewarded with a post of several paragraphs from which you cannot divert your eyes. It's not lengthy in the sense that you want to skim to get to the end. At Sanity Adrift the writing is so well done that you want to read each word and sometimes twice. TV deserves to be published! I'll leave it to the curious to explore and figure out "TV." His bio is as much a pleasure to view as is his blog.

Some sanity returns to our government?

Drapes removed from Justice Department statue. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales makes a good choice!

The drapes [covering Spirit of Justice's one exposed breast], installed in 2002 at a cost of $8,000, allowed then-Attorney General John Ashcroft to speak in the Great Hall without fear of a breast showing up behind him in television or newspaper pictures. They also provoked jokes about and criticism of the deeply religious Ashcroft.
Alright! That's progress. Now how do we get the other one uncovered?

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Ride the bus free today

An ORANGE ALERT is issued for Saturday, June 25, 2005. Ride a KAT bus fare-free and help to improve our air quality.

South Knox Bubba shows us why we should carpool, ride buses and take other steps for cleaner air.

"I got my first real six string..."

For those who can't get along with your band members this is for you.

What happens when you burn the flag?

Appalachistan has led us to The Hanging Stranger for an explanation of "What happens when you burn an American flag?"

Of Grasshoppers

Student: My body aches.
Master: Your mind says you ache.

Friday, June 24, 2005


Sometimes white noise drives me nuts. As a child I could tell you from the opposite end of the house if the television was turned on even if the sound was all the way down while others would insist there was no noise. The hum of a computer monitor can be distracting enough to prohibit programming. At these times I like to put in some ear plugs dropping noise by 20db and effectively cutting out the white noise but still allowing you to hear.

I am programming and I hear a noise that I can't identify. I take out an ear plug to acknowledge an airplane. A few minutes later with the ear plugs in I hear what sounds like a Cessna single engine plane flying too low. The sound is coming through the baby monitor and getting louder. I can only assume an appliance is dying despite a childhood flashback so I run upstairs to seek out the noise before it wakes everyone in the house.

The childhood flashback was to being in right field during a t-ball game praying that some lefty hitter didn't smack the ball my way. I'd much rather hang out assuming my lack of ability than have the ball fly my way and prove my lack of ability. I was living in Kenner, Lousiana at the time. Lots of mosquitoes. During the game a skeeter eater would drive by, the game would pause as all the children would stare at the truck spouting off a wall of fog, the fog would approach and be welcomed by the crowd as we knew we'd have a few less bites that night, and the game would continue without so much as a thought toward what this horrid chemical might be doing to our lungs and tissues.

It didn't take long for me to realize that no appliance was dying and no airplane was crashing into the house. I stood on the porch for a few moments and watched the funny looking truck approach spouting off its spray of whatever is supposed to reduce the mosquitoe population. As it neared, the outdoor cat meowed as if to say, "Am I supposed to hold my breath?" and I slipped back inside with the clean air feeling slight remorse for the cat while not allowing the dog to go out into the fog but happy to know that there may be a few less blood suckers tomorrow.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Goodbye America

I said a long time ago that Heir Bush would try to stay in office forever. Now B.K. Delong of Brain Stream points out that Representative Steny H. Hoyer of Maryland introduced a bill on February 17, 2005 to "remove the 22nd Amendment setting Presidential Term Limits."

Rep Berman, Howard L. [CA-28] - 2/17/2005
Rep Pallone, Frank, Jr. [NJ-6] - 2/17/2005
Rep Sabo, Martin Olav [MN-5] - 2/17/2005
Rep Sensenbrenner, F. James, Jr. [WI-5] - 2/17/2005
Well, your fearless dictator is trying to strike yet another blow to the Constitution.

Who keeps voting for these morons?

Settling In

Time to hunker down for an all-nighter of programming. Sometimes I wonder if the trade-offs of homebased, self-employment are really worth it.


If there is one thing I could have changed about today, I would have been quite happy to not witness my cat toss its cookies.

It does come around...

Sometimes we never know just how many lifes we touch.

Letter to our government

Dear Alberto Gonzales, US Attorney General:

Morality is taught to our children by their parents and cannot be dictated by the government. A government of the people takes the views of all the people and if a person standing to my left has opinions, beliefs and morals differing from the person on my right it is neither the right nor the place of the government to force the views of one of those people upon the other as long as a person's stand does not cause harm to another person. Mr. Gonzales will argue that 18 USC 2257 is protecting our children from harm and I strongly disagree.

18 USC 2257 is blatant censorship. It is electronic bookburning stiffling a creative outlet as sited in the Boing Boing article " our and other sites shut in anticipation of 2257"
We might mention that the material here isn't even pornography as you normally think of it -- this site is just adult humor, in essay format, with some illustrations. The government is mandating that we meet certain bookkeeping requirements, ones impossible to meet for this site. Never mind that those requirements do not actually gain the public anything. This is the strongest attack on free speech since the passage of the CDA, and oddly, the media seems to have hardly noticed. The penalty for not abiding by these bookkeeping requirements is five years prison.
Because the nature of their site is user submissions of adult humor they will receive pictures for which they cannot document the person in the picture therefore their site must cease to exist.

I am not advocating child pornography but I do put the onus of protection of children on the parents. Parents must protect their children from from the evils of the world through education and involvement. Children will see hardcore magazines at their friends houses; children will experience horrific things (death, the twin towers, etc); children will see things on their friend's Internet connection. You can cleanse your house but you cannot blindfold your children when they leave the house. Parents must protect their children from exploitation through supervision and education. If the parent is an abuser, the parent must seek help.

18 USC 2257 is the equivalent to Prohibition.
Prohibition also presented lucrative opportunities for organized crime to take over the importation ("bootlegging"), manufacture, and distribution of alcoholic beverages. Al Capone, one of the most famous bootleggers of them all, built his criminal empire largely on profits from illegal alcohol. [ source ]
You are attacking inadvertant distributors who would happily pull the content if it was suspect. You have not protected a child. Shutting down a site that showed a child depicting a sexual act has not stopped the adult from abusing that child. If anything, shutting down the site removes a digital footprint to finding the adult that should prosecuted. 18 USC 2257 will drive child pornographers into more ingenious distribution methods that may be more elusive to prosecution.

Where does this stop? Will Blogger shut down because they have no control over what I post? Will that picture of my naked newborn scare them enough to erase my writings?

A powerful, thought provoking statement from the statement: "No nation has freedom when it is run by religious zealots."

A parent who wants his children to grow up in a free society.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Now Christians can leave their message while they walk. Of course, this may not have the desired affect in Cancun. Posted by Hello

When to throw it away

Excellent article on when products expire.

Broadcast Flag Update

Contacting your senator does help!

Google Maps Reveals the Real World

You know, when I think of The Pyramids I imagine a horizon to horizon expanse of sand with perhaps a couple of camels carrying a handful of people wrapped in bed sheets. Squeaky horn music plays eeriely from the heavens, the air is still and no one speaks. Somewhere over a sand dune 8 guys are trying to rebuild an airplane to fly and a bunch of World War II gold is buried beneath a rusted tank. Google Maps now ruins my impressions given to me by National Geographic and Hollywood. Have a look at The Real Egypt. Looks noisy.


Knoxville Traffic Cams Available to the Public

Walker Springs at I-40/I-75 live.
Traffic Cameras provided by TDOT SmartWay (per linking policy)

I'm an observant person. I watched the traffic cams get installed by TDOT. For a long I have intended to call TDOT and ask, "are those cameras available to the public?" Ironically, being a web guy, I never bothered looking online until one of the local news stations mentioned the 75 cameras are online (though by my count I only see 66). Have a look at a picture of a TDOT SmartWay camera.

Additional information about the TDOT $20 million SmaryWay system is available including cameras statewide and information about Tennessee 511 a service that provides traffic information from any phone. TDOT is also in Alabama.

From the Smartway FAQ: TDOT Smartway

Other benefits include:
  • Providing live video to local television stations that is used during their rush hour traffic reports
  • Website access to current construction and incident information.
  • Shorter crash response time by emergency response agencies including TDOT HELP trucks
  • Using the system to assist in AMBER ALERTS
  • Radio reports of current construction and incident information available on the highway advisory radio (HAR) system.
  • Use of the system to complement Homeland Security evacuation plans

Now when you want to leave the house you can check to see if I-40 is jammed or not!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Ever feel like we are moving backwards?

Democrats Called Anti-Christian Separation of church and state! Separation of church and state! Separation of church and state! Separation of church and state! Separation of church and state! Separation of church and state! Separation of church and state! Separation of church and state! Separation of church and state! Separation of church and state! Separation of church and state! Separation of church and state!

"Like a moth to a flame, Democrats can't help themselves when it comes to denigrating and demonizing Christians," said Rep. John Hostettler.
Hostettler's picture just screams, "Hey. Don't ya'll get it? GW came into office and government went out the window. It's all about God now. The Apocalypse is coming tomorrow anyway and ya'll won't be around to complain then."

Of course, we find irony in the article:

The Democratic proposal on the Air Force Academy was defeated. The House instead approved by voice vote a Republican plan requiring an Air Force report to Congress on the steps it was taking to promote religious tolerance.

Fake or Real

I scored 4 out of 10 on this. (safe for work)

Life at this moment

Wife barking at 9 year old to find missing dog that I let out and forgot.
14 year old sleeping; refusing to get up.
3 year old crying that she is hurt.
Me, unable to move, listening to hold music on an ear piece wired to the phone base.

Stress rising.

URGENT! You have until 2pm Tuesday (TODAY) the 21st to stop the Broadcast Flag - CALL YOUR SENATOR!

This from Boing Boing:
We've heard rumors that the Broadcast Flag that Cory, the EFF, and a coalition of pressure groups have fought so hard against (and beat in the courts) will be sneaked back via an amendment to the giant Senate Appropriations Bill in a sub-committee at 2PM EST on Tuesday 21st. This week is Hollywood's last chance to ram the flag past Congress, and they're working hard to get it under the radar.

There's no time to write letters or start a media campaign: but folk in the states below have just enough time to warn their senators, who are all on the sub-committee. People of Alabama, Alaska, Hawaii, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Maryland, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Dakota, Texas, Vermont, Washington, and Wisconsin - it's up to you!

There's a sample script after the phone list. Remember: be cool, collected and polite. Most of these senators won't know a thing about the flag, until one of them makes it a throwaway amendment tomorrow. Make sure their ears twitch when they hear "broadcast flag" today.

ALABAMA Senator Richard Shelby (202) 224-5744
ALASKA Senator Ted Stevens (202) 224-3004
HAWAII Senator Daniel Inouye (202) 224-3934
IOWA Senator Tom Harkin (202) 224-3254
KANSAS Senator Sam Brownback (202) 224-6521
KENTUCKY Senator Mitch McConnell (202) 224-2541
MARYLAND Senator Barbara Mikulski (202) 224-4654
MISSOURI Senator Christopher Bond (202) 224-5721
NEW HAMPSHIRE Senator Judd Gregg (202) 224-3324
NEW MEXICO Senator Pete Domenici (202) 224-6621
NORTH DAKOTA Senator Byron Dorgan (202) 224-2551
TEXAS Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (202) 224-5922
VERMONT Senator Patrick Leahy (202) 224-4242
WASHINGTON Senator Patty Murray (202) 224-2621
WISCONSIN Senator Herb Kohl (202) 224-5653

"Hello, Senator _________'s office"

"Hi, I'm a constituent. [Remember: Only say 'I'm a constituent' if you really are -- if you're calling the Senator from _your own state_] I'm registering my opposition to the broadcast flag amendment being introduced in the Senate Commerce Justice and Science Appropriations subcommittee mark-up on Tuesday, and in full committee on Thursday."

(*** You can give your own reasons for opposing the flag here. Here's a sample: ***)

"The Broadcast Flag cripples any device capable of receiving over-the-air digital broadcasts."

"It give Hollywood movie studios a permanent veto over how members of the American public use our televisions."

"It forces American innovators to beg the FCC for permission before adding new features to TV."

"It will prevent fair use of copyrighted works: critical review, and use of material in distance learning"

"This is an important issue which will affect all Americans, and should not be inserted in a large bill, at the last moment, with no debate."

"Please oppose the broadcast flag amendment. My name and address are ___________________."

"Thank you for your time."

Good luck!
Then the update:
You can now fax and email appropriation committee members for free at the EFF's action center. Do it tonight, or live with the consequences of a Hollywood veto over your PC forever.

What a pleasure!

I really enjoy programming! I wish I could do it in these wee hours without feeling so tired.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Of Grasshoppers

Student: I don't make enough.
Master: Perhaps you spend too much.

No Rest for the Weary

I'm so tired. So much to be done before the morn.

High Anxiety

My anxiety is so high that the dizzy spells are trying to come back. I can feel it when I lie down and stand up.

I came upstairs this morning to find Amy asleep in a laundry basket. I wonder how long she slept there.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Happy Father's Day!

To all the dads out there: "Happy Father's Day!"
To all the children: "Take care of your dad today be it through a phone call, visit, hug or in memory."
To all the dads yet to be: "It's worth it!"

To the moms: "Thanks for letting us be dads!"

Small Engine Repair

So I have 3 law mowers and none of them run. That is, until yesterday. I finally took some time to clean up one. I removed the gas tank and carburetor cleaning them thoroughly. Got a new airfilter and did the oddest thing..I soaked it in motor oil (as instructed). I'm still baffled.

Mower started up and with the exception of a few putters it is running fine. I think I'll work on the other two and have some fun in the yard this week.

Friday, June 17, 2005

End Game

Today is the end of the week and I want everything off my plate. Everything completes! Today!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Ack! Eeek! Shuffle Shuffle Shuffle... Honey!

I just went outside and scare the dickens out of a raccoon (good picture at wikipedia). It shot up the tree and I raced in for my flashlight. Cute baby coon. I placed a apple in what remains of my hand-made bird's nest.

Animals I have seen in this yard:
  • Raccoon (6)
  • Chipmunk (dead and alive)
  • Possum
  • Black Snake (dead and alive)
  • mole
  • mouse (I used to feed one a piece of cheese and peanut butter while I sat on my switch with a bowl of cereal. Every morning at 8am the two of us would share a meal.)
  • hampster (beats me..could have been a huge field mouse)
  • cat
  • dog
  • Cardinal
  • hummingbird
  • sparrow
  • bat
  • wren
  • hawk
  • ok..the list of birds is far too long
  • matter of fact.. I should re-think continuing this list

Just one thing

If one thing would help my career and productivity more than anything else it would be a new, rockin' laptop!

Networking Genius Leads to Productivity!

Wahoo! In all my networking genius I've finally fixed my permissions problem that was preventing me from getting work done from my wife's computer.

Thank you Internet!

You know. I'm happy for the Internet. Without the Internet I would be living in denial. How could I have ever fooled myself into thinking my penis was adequate?! Thank you Internet for simultaneously helping me recognize my deficiencies and providing a solution in an easy to swallow capsule. You can quit sending me emails now.

Knoxville Gets Some Fame!

Knoxville is honored with a reference in this Slashdot article (which originates from this CNN article)
OAK RIDGE, Tennessee (AP) -- The government is offering a rare glimpse of the massive machines used to enrich uranium for the "Little Boy" bomb -- the first atomic weapon used in war, dropped 60 years ago in August on Hiroshima, Japan.
Ummm.. Weren't they tearing all that down?
"Don't you know the people in Knoxville wondered what in the world was going on out here," Department of Energy guide Ray Smith said Monday. "All this material was coming in, truckload after truckload, and nothing ever left."
If you squint and read that, I think they might be poking fun on our intelligence.

Big Brother in Action

Boing Boing tells us of the secret service bullying a person to remove a photo collection from Flickr.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Job Opportunities Are Abundant on the Internet

Top Five Job Opportunities brought to us by Yahoo via

  1. Auction Fraud
  2. Phishing Scams
  3. Nigerian 419 Letter
  4. Postal Forwarding/Reshipping Scam
  5. "Congratulations, You've Won an Xbox (news - web sites) (IPod, plasma TV, etc.)"
Dan Tynan has elegantly outlined each of these job opportunities with The setup, What actually happens, The risk, and The question you've gotta ask yourself.
Award-winning journalist Dan Tynan has written about Internet scams and scammers for more than a decade. He's the author of PC World's Gadget Freak column and the upcoming book, Privacy Annoyances (O'Reilly Media, 2005). He has never come to the rescue of a deposed African bureaucrat.
Related:VeriSign launches guide to safe Net


Hunkering down for the distraction of paperwork and phone calls.

Days like today...

Today coffee is necessary...

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

What do you do in the calm?

When you sit still, alone, in some peace and quiet, what does your mind do?

I just sat on the hood of the Jeep and stared up into the sky. Few clouds blocked the bright stars. Lightning foreshadowed a storm to come. The trees flickered like Christmas trees with a growing number of lightning bugs. In a couple of weeks there will be thousands more and the trees will be vibrant with light. Staring straight up shows me a tree meeting the sky. The fireflies are not in the trees or on the trees as one might suppose instead they fly a foot or so from the edge of the tree respecting its space. Clouds begin to roll in eeriely as if Speilberg were directing the evening. As the last star was blotted the sky, the first rain drop came ushering me to the house.

I cannot be calm and enjoy the moment. I must compose! I review encounters and dialogs from my day creating alternate paths and endings. I makeup situations which may or may not lay in my future to see how I would handle the scenerios. I have conversations with myself. I write blog, journal entries, and poetry in my head. My mind cannot rest.

I think of when I was a child and could sit in a tree and think of nothing. Wait. That's not what really happened. I reviewed encounters with bullies and dumb things that I said creating alternate paths and endings. I fantasized of the days to come and imagined how I would handle each one. I conversed with myself. I daydreamed, composed letters never to be drafted nor sent, and poetry in my head. My mind would not rest.

Reality Bigfoot

From July 2 to August 20 three infrared, solarpowered cameras will beam video from a campsite in Northern California to the Norwich Gallery in hopes of seeing Bigfoot.

San Francisco-based American artist Jill Miller is participating in Norwich Gallery's EAST 05 international exhibition, July 2 - August 20, 2005. Although she will exhibit a performance work, she will not appear in the gallery. At least not in the flesh. Miller's durational performance-installation, "Waiting for Bigfoot," will be located in a remote Northern California forest ("Bigfoot Country"). A live video feed will be delivered to the Norwich Gallery as real-time video via satellite uplink, 24 hours a day. The artist will live at the campsite, situated in the epicenter of Bigfoot sightings, for the duration of EAST 05.

Free tickets sold on eBay are profiteering at the expense of the improverished

Geldof condemns sale of Live 8 tickets on eBay
LONDON (Reuters) - Live 8 organizer Bob Geldof has condemned as "sick profiteering" the sale of free charity concert tickets on auction Web site eBay.
This sale currently sits at GBP $99,100 (US $179,093.52). I'd say Geldof supporters are having fun. And this one is GBP $210,000 (US $361,620.72). But another is reasonably at GBP $82 (US $142.19).
Geldof branded the site an "electronic pimp" and called for a worldwide boycott. eBay said in a statement they were selling the tickets because "we live in a free market where people can make up their own minds," but said they would donate at least the equivalent of the fees they raised through the sale of Live 8 tickets. Geldof rejected this offer, saying instead he was appealing to their "sense of decency to stop this disgusting greed."
The concert is not to raise money for Africa but to "raise the profile of African poverty and influence leaders of the G8 group of industrialized nations."

I'm a source! I've been quoted!

The Offshoring Digest found my April 25, 2004 post to be noteworthy.

Of Grasshoppers

Student: I understand vasectomies are painful.
Master: I understand college tuitions are painful.

Of Grasshoppers

Student: Do you have any advice regarding babies?
Master: Day surgery.

Should I be offended?

Since no one jumped on my wife I must assume two things: 1) No one has Floyd tickets they are willing to give up and 2) the readers here are smart enough to recognize the previous post was made with certain jocularity. Of course, my wife will probably say something like "because I'm old and fat" even though she is neither.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Trading for Pink Floyd tickets

It's now been discussed. We will trade sex for Pink Floyd tickets. On a side note, yes, sex is a spectator sport! I find it peculiar that during the discussion "tickets" was singular and my presence wasn't required at either event.

Seeking Honest Politicians

Sharon Cobb calls for Bredesen to step down.
I started researching the TennCare issue for a documentary I wanted to shoot at the start of 05. However, I met with some resistance from some of the TennCare advocates. Two of them were afraid of upsetting the governor. They were afraid “I was too much like Michael Moore.” While I considered the Moore comparison a compliment, I was deeply troubled that a few of these advocates were afraid to upset the governor. A couple of them clearly had a conflict of interest.

Of Grasshoppers

Student: I'm a new dad!
Master: After the first child, "new" is an unnecessary qualifier.

Don't Panic!

Ever had a real honest to goodness panic attack? They come in different flavors.

Yesterday I had a really good one. 20 different distinct thoughts floating through my head. It was like being in the center of a tornado and seeing chaos swirling around you. Thousands of thoughts you can't focus on but roughly 20 you can track and occasionally you could focus on one of the 20 but could not reach it and could only hold the focus briefly before it zipped off spinning with the rest of the clutter.

The madness drives you to the bed where you pull the covers over your head and try to focus on a single thought. Calm is found in sleep but wakefulness unleashes the dragons. You come to with a start realizing that you've wasted potential productive time in hiding. The adreline rushes and the tornado swirls. A cyclic nightmare.

Violence Good -- Sex Bad

I can't believe we would take a person to impeachment over a blow job but Hitleresq type behavior well documented just doesn't seem to fire people up.

The government(through a bill introduced in July 2004 by Georgia Representative Max Burns) is now trying to get Interstate 3 in place. This would destroy much beautiful natural area in the Southeast. The Smoky Mountians are dying due to auto polution and Interstate 3 would potentially run through Deal's Gap (yes, killing the favorite spot of motorcyclists). The Interest proposal is named for war (3rd Infantry Division Highway) and based on war (to better connect our military bases - "(1) linking defensive installations across the South, including Fort Gordon, Eisenhower Army Regional Medical Center, the Augusta Veterans Administration Hospitals, Fort Stewart, Hunter Army Airfield, and the Port of Savannah, "which is in the strategic defense interest of the Nation." ").

I find it funny that we are massively closing military installations yet now we want to develop a new Interstate that will cause severe damage to the ecology that attracts people to the South. Now let's look at the bigger picture. What we are really doing is creating a straight shot from Oak Ridge TN (source of bunker busters, depleted uranium, and other nuclear weapons) to the ocean.

Conspiracy minded today? Just wait until I have made my deadlines and can sit down to draw up my conclusions that Interstate 3 is related to the depletion of the world oil supplies and that the Alaska drilling will be totally for military support.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

And the Jays cried

I couldn't stay at the computer. The uproar in the backyard called to my curiosity. Despite their cries, I could not find the Jays; however, as I glanced upward in the dusk sky a solitary bat flew over my head in search of 6000 mosquitoes. I hope he finds the home I've left for him and 119 companions on the side of my house.

Life Goes On

I can hear a Cardinal chirp over and over. Our little non-flyer is gone. I see no sign of life or death. No adult Jays are around. Perhaps it caught a good breeze. The cat shows none of the signs of self-satisfaction it typically has after a good hunt. Somewhere in this something metaphysical waits to be drafted in iambic pentameter.

Enjoy the veranda but thinking of flying the coop

"Quit with the flash photography already bud!" Posted by Hello

Longer life than expected

Our little non-flyer is still alive. Everytime it gets to the ground I bring it back up to its "nest". Some large Blue Jays have taken to protecting it and sqwauking at me loudly whenever I approach the youngling. As much as it has flapped around on the ground I'm amazed the cat hasn't taken it. When it is on the ground, the larger Jays are more abundant and in closer proximity. It's really interesting to watch them protect the young one. Observing its flying attempts I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't take to the air if it survives a couple of days. Posted by Hello

No naked biking for me

I had hoped to end this week's naked theme with a post on the Knoxville World Naked Bike Ride 2005 and perhaps some pictures but no such luck. Looks like a naked breakfast at IHOP or Cracker Barrel is in my future instead of some fleshy spectator recreation of stripping on the Cumberland Strip. Maybe 2006.

I can tell she's stressed...

When my bathroom sink drains slowly and I have to put clods of hair clippings out of the drain, my wife is stressed. Apparently trimming bangs is relaxing.

Bird Update

The little squawker has left the nest but is still protected in the wisteria. He cries out loudly periodically. Large Blue Jays have come into the area and seem to be keeping a eye on it.

Ever had the feeling...

...that someone absolutely abhors your very presence despite what you do?

New theme forthcoming

Female doctor was in such a hurry to help stricken colleague that she forgot to put on any clothes
Tang rushed out of the bathroom in such a hurry that she forgot to put on clothes. After the security guards broke the door, she found Chen lying unconscious and stopping breathing with the shower head in his hand.
Don't you find it rather miraculous that the security guards had the presence of mind to move? I would have thought it would have gone more like "Ok lady. Let me get my pen. Could you tell us again what's going on? No no. Slow down and start from the VERY beginning."

Today is World Naked Bike Ride 2005

Looks like our riders in Knoxville are going to be naked..and wet.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Oh How Cute! -- It's gonna die..

The kids found a baby Blue Jay in the driveway. What to do?

My first thoughts were that it feel a heck of a way to be on the driveway and must have its internals smashed to bits. Noah stands guard and I go get my gloves. I pick it up and it seems healthy enough walking on my hands, flapping its wings but apparently unable to fly, looking around and even squeaking a bit.

I'm a mature adult. I know you can't save these things. Besides, Blue Jays are the rodents of the skies. They are the one bird I dislike. Good targets for BB guns (not that I do that). But I can't help but want to help this bird.

The outdoor cat stalks 30 yards away wondering what prey we've caught. This creature doesn't stand a chance. Shoe box? No way! I know better.

We even try feeding it a worm. No bite. It simply falls asleep in my palm.

The middle 3 kids assist me in a hunt of the yard with a flashlight for a safe place for this bird. There is no such thing. The best place we can find is smack dab in the outdoor cat's killzone. We concede and prepare the space. It's a knot hole in the old sycamore (I think) tree nearest our house. I line it with some hay and let the bird crawl into it. The poor thing seems in shock. I give it a few hours before its on the ground. 20 minutes after that the cat will torture it for about 8 minutes and then its dead and left as a "gift" on the porch. Hopefully I see it before the kids.

Update: It lived through the night. Apparently I build a good nest.

From the mouths of babes

Dad: Amy, do you know what today is?
Amy, matter of factly: It's my birthday. I'm 3.

Noah got to her first :)

Thursday, June 09, 2005

A Pound of PETA

In keeping with this week's unintential theme of nudity and since Saturday is the World Naked Bike Ride, The Daily Tribube brings us A Pound of PETA

 Posted by Hello
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, member Chris Link of Norfolk, Va., top, adjusts the cellophane covering on the costume of demonstrator Dezeray Rubinchik of Philadelphia, top right, during a protest in front of the Statehouse, in Providence, R.I., Monday, June 6, 2005.

The one in the middle looks quite tender!

One For the Girls

On Tuesday, I posted "One For the Boys" and I really hope all the guys took some time to watch.

Now thanks to I can post One For the Girls! This is required watching and completely safe for work. Needs sound.

Anti-coffee - Man I could use a cup right now!

Steve Pavlina tells us How to Give Up Coffee

Caffeine is the modern drug of choice in the work world, easily accessible, socially acceptable, readily affordable, and of course perfectly legal. ... caffeine is addictive
Steve suggests two methods: switch from coffee to herbal tea; or switch from coffee to grain coffee. He also explains why to give up coffee. Rather that reproduce bits and pieces here, I recommend you give Steve's article a read.

Other resources:

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Nakedness abounds

Ok. One more bare naked post and then I'll return to tamer topics.

This morning I'm driving around and I casually look to my left to find lo' and behold! the rather attractive female driver next to me is topless! As she stretches her arms up to pull her sports bra on she saw me seeing her, drops her garment into her lap and pulls her vehicle forward. Being the gentleman that I am I avert my eyes as soon as she is out of sight.

Quote on a billboard near the incident: "Girls, if it's not for sale, don't advertise it!"

Up for productivity

It's 2:30am, the sky is dry, thunder is booming and I'm awake and focused for productivity! If only I can fight the urge to sleep until about noon.

Bike Riding for the Environment! (naked)

Since my last post One for the Boys should have left all the guys with their hands on their testicles, if they followed instructions, I figure I should stick with a body theme! Again, guys, really, go to that link and watch the whole thing with sound on.

(warning! links in this paragraph might contain naked people) This Saturday, June 11 is World Naked Bike Ride 2005! Over 50 cities are participating and Knoxville is one of them! Yes, Knoxville! We have guests on Saturday but if they leave as early as I expect and I could get my bike that is rusting in the driveway working I'd consider the ride! Since it is unlikely that I could get the bike working, I suppose I could do my part and simply photo-document the event.

On June 11, 2005, over 54 cities across the world will experience the naked joy of the world's largest naked protest against oil dependency and car culture in the history of humanity. Last year progressive cities from Sydney to Seattle to Asheville played host to this fun but serious protest calling poignant attention to our need to lessen our dependence on petroleum fuels and the harm we are doing to all of humanity and nature.

It looks like Knoxville's ride is sponsored by (or at least promoted by) East TN Bares "A Naturist Community - Devoted To Promoting The Nudist Lifestyle In East Tennessee".

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

One for the boys

Alright guys. Don't chicken out. This requires sound. All men must watch this! (probably want to watch from home)

Infant Surprises!

Atten Hut!

There are certain things that you in no way can be prepared. Somethings you can be told but it is not real until you experience it yourself. Take for instance, infant boys. You can read books, listen to other people's stories, and take advice from your doctor but nothing prepares you for the day that you open the diaper on your 9 day old son and there he is at full attention in all his manliness! After doing a double or triple take, what can you do other than tout, "Hey hey! Thaaat's my BOY!"

Take Cover!

Now Amy was a good infant. Didn't fight diaper changes. Evan has strong legs. He takes to kicking and pumping those legs as if to say, "keep that thing off of me!" He also has some accolades that Amy never received. In his first 9 days of life, Evan has managed to pee on me and the couch and last night scored in the game of "poop on Dad."

Adventure Down Under

If you like excitement, read Tim's Paramedics Come By Chopper.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Today's Health Check

137/79 pulse 82.

In this week's ironies, lists that CircuitCity has the Centrios Blood Pressure Monitor for free after manufacturer mail-in rebate.

That showed up Sunday..the day after I posted my New High Score.

If you are into deals, don't forget to check Woot Sunday - Thursday after 1am central time (for most people it appears to be a new item Monday - Friday).

Sunday, June 05, 2005


I don't know if it was sleep, recovering from caffiene withdrawal, an attitude adjustment or the phase of the moon but I was clear-headed today and productive. I feel great! Good things are to come!

What is that smell?!

It's that time of year again. The trees are blooming. For the next 2 to 3 weeks the town will smell like, well, a college dormitory on a Saturday night. To be blunt, every year for a very predictable but short period of time, Tennessee has some trees that smell like semen. I think it's the oaks. The smell is very pungent and distinct. It has been observed on both the eastern and western sides of the state. The scent comes on so dramatically and so strong, similarly to how lilacs and wisteria can be so powerful, that it is almost appealing until some clown comes along and implants an image such as I have now done for you.

When you are out this week, close your eyes, breathe deeply through your nose, and smile mischievously.

Everything you buy is in danger!

Taiwan successfully test-fires missiles - Now they really DO make everything!
China has an estimated 725 missiles aimed at Taiwan and analysts rate the Taiwan Strait one of Asia's most dangerous hot spots.
Do you realize that if China blew Taiwan away our dollar stores would go out of business!

Herbie Gets a Job!

Saw this State Trooper Volkswagon this morning. Unfortunately, all I had on me was my camera phone. I may go back for better pictures. It was being towed by a state trooper pickup truck!

Can you picture getting pulled over by this? "Uh.. Mom.. Slug bug!" Posted by Hello

Scheduling My Funeral

Yesterday I accidentally posted my blood pressure as 172/77 and my brother and his wife had a coronary. Being very thoughtful that called seconds after my post published to help make my funeral arrangements and plan for the well-being of the children. Actually they encouraged me to see a doctor. Ironically, the mall had a free blood pressure screening last night. My numbers came in at 133/87, "prehypertension," and apparently gave no alarm to the guys giving the screening since they blew me off with barely word in favor of chatting about which tight buttocks walking past the booth was finer.

The 133/87 is consistent with the typical reading I get on most store blood pressure machines which I've now made a habit of visiting everytime I see one.

My best numbers I really don't remember. In college I was at a grocery store near campus and sat down at one of the blood pressure machines. An incredibly sexy girl and good friend of mine snuck up behind me, blew in my ear, licked my ear and nibbed on my earlobe. Let's just say my pulse was up.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

New High Score

Yesterday at Target I sat in the blood pressure machine and registered my highest numbers yet. Came in at 150/89 pulse 92. After walking around the store it was 122/77 or something around there.

I don't exercise and I can feel it killing me. I want to exercise but don't have the energy..catch 22! I also find myself unable to get up. I committed to myself a while back that I would wake before anyone else in the house however, I'm unable to use an alarm clock. I need a vibrating alarm watch (amz).

I heard Amy this morning up and about. I chose to let her play on her own instead of coming upstairs to greet her. I have to start getting up early again!

Sad Puzzle Update

The puzzle has been coming together nicely. I found the 3 extra pieces along the bottom and had nearly finished the top half and the right side. We were on easy street. This morning I came upstairs to find the entire puzzle on the floor. Wasn't the dog with us last night? I ask Amy, "Did you do this?" and she gleefully admits to it. I'm too stunned to know how to respond but begin by setting her in timeout, then almost immediately free her, called her "mean" which was terribly wrong, and told her that Mom would have to get her breakfast but gave in when she started yelling down the stairs to the sleeping mother and baby.

I feel empty because of it. I supposed I should be thankful as I had become to entranced with the puzzle. To what avail? A pointless exercise, although mentally stimulating but tangible representative of completion. It was something I was capable of finishing. It began as time together with my wife but she abandoned the puzzle when I became obsessed.

The experience is very representative of my life. Mis-directed energies lead to unfinished projects with missing critical pieces while someone that needs attention feels neglected. Another vaccuum gets added to my chest. A void that can't be filled. I feel uncomplete[sic], lacking of spirit, and somehow less of a man. No, it's more than the puzzle. The puzzle is simply one piece.

Choices now have to be made. Do I redo the work with an end result of spending twice as long and twice the effort or do I let it go. And no, that sentence should not end with a question mark.

It is time to hug Amy and tell her I forgive her and will be a better dad.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Big Decisions

On this day I must decide between the convenience of working from home and being close to my kids versus an 8 month / 40 hour per week office job that has been described as "mundane." Working from home means we have frequent cash flow issues; working from an office means not having some of the flexibility that my family may need.

Philip of The Blue Sloth gives me thinking words within his blog "No man is rich enough to buy back his past."

From the mouths of babes

Noah is talking about Star Wars as he acts out a scene with his legos. Amy blurts out, "Far far away!"

Birth - A Family Affair

I haven't talked about the birth of my son, Evan, yet. There is so much to tell. I think I will do so in parts.

After Cathy had her epidural she was feeling comfortable enough for a visit from the kids who had been in the waiting room with their grandfather. I went out and sent everyone in. We started to leave the kids toys, stroller and Cathy's mother's purse in the waiting room but thought better of it so I sat out with the gear. My anxiety increased. Being alone and separated from Cathy during these moments did not bode well. The waiting room was filling up. To move all the stuff into the delivery room would mean the kids and grandfather would lose their valuable seats but who cares. I packaged everything and rushed back to LDR#11.

Everyone was happily sharing good moments and comforting Mom. The kids were fabulous! Tommy decided he needed something from one of the cars so he and Cathy's father walked out to the parking lot. Very shortly after they left the midwife came in and announced, "It's time!"

Cathy's mother could be a midwife. She is a fantastic birthing partner. Pre-epidural as I comforted Cathy, her mother coached both of us and prompted Cathy to move to her side easing the contractions and so she could rub her back among other techniques. Neither Cathy nor I nor her mother for that matter wanted her to leave the room with the kids. Instead we set the stroller and two chairs just inside the room's door. Noah (9) and Amy (3) took the chairs and Sarah (nearly 12) took the stroller. Sarah read Amy a book. We pulled a curtain between the chairs and the bed. Noah wanted to watch so I half expected to see curious eyes peeking around the curtain like a miniature totem pole except that Sarah saw Amy born and is traumatized for life. She did not want to watch this one! Now that's abstinence education!

The birth went very well and the children, except for Tommy, all heard Evan's first cry. I thought it to be a very magical moment! The grandmother brought Amy around as soon as Evan was cleaned up and the older two took a couple of minutes but eventually came out to hold him. Moments later Cathy's father and Tommy joined us from the waiting room. I was very proud of my kids!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Snap snap snap

This blasted jigsaw puzzle is driving me nuts. The bottom edge pieces together perfectly as does the top edge. All pieces snap nicely together and the pictures work excellently except for the fact that the bottom edge is about 6 pieces longer than the top edge. I can't quit working on it until the anomaly is resolved! It's like some wicked puzzle maker through in a few extra pieces that just so happen to line up correctly simply to drive me nuts!

Of Grasshoppers

Student: Every ending is a new beginning.
Master: End your procrastination.

Just one more....

If you have a friend or relative with issues of compulsion and/or obsessiveness, do them a favor and don't let them near puzzles! ... Or blogging...

Feeelllingg Jit Ji Ji jIttery

Coffee intake up; concentration and focus down.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Good Communication == Happy Marriage

My wife and I write letters to one another.

Deep Throat...say it again, Deeeep Throat!

I think this is an arousing time to be alive. So much history is being made, constitutions being shredded, history re-written, and now Deep Throat comes out of the closet to choke us up with the story he spits out about his role in the Watergate Scandal. At first the truth seemed hard to swallow. Of course, the whole thing has been a little anti-climatic as the announcement seems slightly premature.

The best part is that conservative living rooms all over the world are joyfully mouthing the words "deep throat" without so much as a thought of the seed they might be planting for their children to ejaculate at an inopportune moment with a teacher or priest. Just imagine the creative excuses that will spurt from the parents in an attempt to withdrawal from their unprotected oral naiveté and keep their faces clean!

Too graphic? Come on!

Stay out of the sun!

So my brother-in-law just had a skin cancer removed. The removal process: cut one centimeter around the spot and one inch into the body. What's up with that?! Did a European doctor develop the circular cut technique and an American doctor determine how far into the body to cut?