All day yesterday I felt like I was going to stroke out. I mean felt it so strong that I went online to check the symptoms. The fibrillations under my right rib cage were constant. The pressure in my head so great that I felt like someone had a vice on my skull. My arms pulsing. At one point I half way doubled over when a cramp in my right chest cavity hit me suddenly.
Makes you wonder if you are ready to die? I look around and my house is not prepared for me to die. My files are not in order. My passwords not conveniently recorded for my wife. I have journals I am not sure I would want read. I have some innocent things that taken out of context might cause people to question my character. I am not spiritually content. What of my soul? There is no life insurance to help the family. We are so caught up in our own chaos that we have become isolated. We live as hermits amongst thousands of strangers.
Our life force can be extinguished at a moments notice in any nonsensical way. Should we not be prepared for death the moment we leave the shelter of our parents care? While under their care should they not prepare it for us?
Friday, August 20, 2004
Who Is This Guy?
All my life I've been a good person and try to go out of my way to help others often at my own sacrifice or expense. When I was 8 years old I had a moral delimia. As a scout, we went to a farm to ride horses. I was the last to pick my horse and I had to decide between the largest horse and a donkey. The event was for the scouts and one of the older sisters of another scout was there and would ride whichever beast I did not choose. Even though I wanted to ride the largest horse, I felt the chivalrous act would be to give her the large horse while I chose the donkey. That sums up the way I have lived my life. It is probably the act that put that type of behavior in motion for me. Of course, you could say I just let myself get walked on an used.
I do not know how to ask for help. I have been trying to get a job since the beginning of the year and keep getting turned down with excuses like "you are over qualified" or "we can't afford you." Now my family is down to the final pieces of our last roll of toilet paper and the gas is almost gone in the car. As a matter of fact, I think I've been so helped that my karma has run out. It's time to go work at McDonald's.
Had a decent bit of advice today. I was told "water down your resume."
I do not know how to ask for help. I have been trying to get a job since the beginning of the year and keep getting turned down with excuses like "you are over qualified" or "we can't afford you." Now my family is down to the final pieces of our last roll of toilet paper and the gas is almost gone in the car. As a matter of fact, I think I've been so helped that my karma has run out. It's time to go work at McDonald's.
Had a decent bit of advice today. I was told "water down your resume."
A New Day!
Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:
This Morning
Went to sleep last night at roughly 12:30. Tried to convince myself to stay up and work but I needed a couple of hours of shuteye. Woke at 5am to lie in bed pondering how our last few coins should be spent--toilet paper and maybe a half gallon (1.8 liter) of gas. Thoughts shifted to "how can I get out of bed and get dressed without waking the dog because if she wakes before I am dressed to take her out then she will pee while I am getting dressed." That thought bought me 15 minutes of lounging time. Rose at 5:40 get get dressed and clean up the mess that apparently some rogue horse snuck into our house and left for us last night.
I claim the dog is house broken. It now knows that once I take it outside, the minute we come back insides is the minute to empy bladder and bowels.
Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:
This Morning
Went to sleep last night at roughly 12:30. Tried to convince myself to stay up and work but I needed a couple of hours of shuteye. Woke at 5am to lie in bed pondering how our last few coins should be spent--toilet paper and maybe a half gallon (1.8 liter) of gas. Thoughts shifted to "how can I get out of bed and get dressed without waking the dog because if she wakes before I am dressed to take her out then she will pee while I am getting dressed." That thought bought me 15 minutes of lounging time. Rose at 5:40 get get dressed and clean up the mess that apparently some rogue horse snuck into our house and left for us last night.
I claim the dog is house broken. It now knows that once I take it outside, the minute we come back insides is the minute to empy bladder and bowels.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Progress!
* Questions regarding a quote sent to client. Ballpark included.
* Discussion on status of 2nd quote over the phone. Working quote now.
* Bath. It's kind of hard to express how significant this is.
* Cooked dinner
* 3rd grade parent orientation
* Watched Penn & Teller - Bullsh*t! on legalizing drugs. I for one don't believe Penn has never done drugs.
* Spoke with a friend about selling his product
* Discussion on status of 2nd quote over the phone. Working quote now.
* Bath. It's kind of hard to express how significant this is.
* Cooked dinner
* 3rd grade parent orientation
* Watched Penn & Teller - Bullsh*t! on legalizing drugs. I for one don't believe Penn has never done drugs.
* Spoke with a friend about selling his product
Poem - I Build Sand Castles
I build sand castles
This one I built too weak
Too many gains of sand
Too much thinking
Not enough water to drink.
Yes, this one is large
But it is weak.
This one was fine
But in my clumsiness
I stepped on it.
It is ok. We made repairs.
But then I stepped on it again.
The first castle crumbled some
And caused more damange
To this one fine creation.
The second castle is neat.
It stands alone
Separate from the others
But not untainted by their shadows.
This castle has sound engineering
And award winning architecture
But it stands alone.
There is sand in this bucket
That wants to be a castle.
It is so eagar.
Its particles spill from the container.
What will it be? Nothing without me.
However, I screwed up the other three.
There is sand in this bucket.
Stay there and I'll protect thee.
These castles are built upon a hill.
It is strong and provides a wonderful foundation.
I undermine it. I steal its dirt from the base
To use for the castles upon its crest.
I undermine it and destroy the foundation
That provides for the other crumbling castles.
One other castle beneath this hill
Washed away so long ago.
The sands spread among the tears of the Ocean
Perhaps return to the beach one day to become
An insignificant part of yet another
Poorly built castle.
Oh look! I was mistaken.
I build my castles in the sky
Now the rain comes
And washes my sand to the by and by.
--DM 8/04
This one I built too weak
Too many gains of sand
Too much thinking
Not enough water to drink.
Yes, this one is large
But it is weak.
This one was fine
But in my clumsiness
I stepped on it.
It is ok. We made repairs.
But then I stepped on it again.
The first castle crumbled some
And caused more damange
To this one fine creation.
The second castle is neat.
It stands alone
Separate from the others
But not untainted by their shadows.
This castle has sound engineering
And award winning architecture
But it stands alone.
There is sand in this bucket
That wants to be a castle.
It is so eagar.
Its particles spill from the container.
What will it be? Nothing without me.
However, I screwed up the other three.
There is sand in this bucket.
Stay there and I'll protect thee.
These castles are built upon a hill.
It is strong and provides a wonderful foundation.
I undermine it. I steal its dirt from the base
To use for the castles upon its crest.
I undermine it and destroy the foundation
That provides for the other crumbling castles.
One other castle beneath this hill
Washed away so long ago.
The sands spread among the tears of the Ocean
Perhaps return to the beach one day to become
An insignificant part of yet another
Poorly built castle.
Oh look! I was mistaken.
I build my castles in the sky
Now the rain comes
And washes my sand to the by and by.
--DM 8/04
Progress!
* Last night sat down with a partner of mine and discussed a quote for a website. Some more details to be worked out. Everything will collapse before anything comes to fruition but at least I'm not going down without a fight
* A client paid a same sum last night into paypal. 3 days later it will arrive in my back account provided the account hasn't been shutoff by then. Of course the payment will just about cover the fees that have accumulated at that point.
* Another resume submitted! This one for a DBA position. I would enjoy a fulltime job just working on a database.
* Called to inquire about a computer tech job at a doctor's office. Will fax resume to them shortly.
* A client paid a same sum last night into paypal. 3 days later it will arrive in my back account provided the account hasn't been shutoff by then. Of course the payment will just about cover the fees that have accumulated at that point.
* Another resume submitted! This one for a DBA position. I would enjoy a fulltime job just working on a database.
* Called to inquire about a computer tech job at a doctor's office. Will fax resume to them shortly.
Pepe Le Pue!
A New Day!
Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:
This Morning
Woke this morning at 2:05am to a smell that I was certain meant the dog and a major dump. I was not looking forward to cleaning this one up and initially pulled the covers over my head to ignore it but it permeated strongly everywhere and I got up to find it. I searched and searched. As I looked in the office and woke a little more I realized that I wasn't smelling dog mess but skunk. Something must have had an altercation with a skunk last night directly behind the house. It was horrible! And usually I don't mind the smell of skunk.
Well I was awake enough to get working but allowed the bed to pull me back in. I muted the television thinking the light would awaken me and encourage me to get dressed and get to work. At 4am I turned the television off. At 6am I rose.
The bus driver did as he promised and turned into the neighborhood. I almost convinced him to do the full loop! Can you imagine the parents excitement as the bus drove past their house! Unfortunately he must have changed his mind and took the first shortcut out of the neighborhood. But this holds so much promise! Now to figure out the middle school stop.
Let's start the day off with a PayPal donation link:
This Morning
Woke this morning at 2:05am to a smell that I was certain meant the dog and a major dump. I was not looking forward to cleaning this one up and initially pulled the covers over my head to ignore it but it permeated strongly everywhere and I got up to find it. I searched and searched. As I looked in the office and woke a little more I realized that I wasn't smelling dog mess but skunk. Something must have had an altercation with a skunk last night directly behind the house. It was horrible! And usually I don't mind the smell of skunk.
Well I was awake enough to get working but allowed the bed to pull me back in. I muted the television thinking the light would awaken me and encourage me to get dressed and get to work. At 4am I turned the television off. At 6am I rose.
The bus driver did as he promised and turned into the neighborhood. I almost convinced him to do the full loop! Can you imagine the parents excitement as the bus drove past their house! Unfortunately he must have changed his mind and took the first shortcut out of the neighborhood. But this holds so much promise! Now to figure out the middle school stop.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Progress!
* Earlier I got some database redesign concerning the login security accomplished on my overseas project
* The kayak washing has begun to prepare it for sale.
* The domain transfers appear near completion. Left to do: a) make sure the inlaws can retrieve their unretrieved mail and b) send a letter cancelling the previous hosting.
Kudos to the new host! The transfer was seamless!
* Touched base with one client regarding additional work and scheduled it for 1.5-2 weeks out
* The kayak washing has begun to prepare it for sale.
* The domain transfers appear near completion. Left to do: a) make sure the inlaws can retrieve their unretrieved mail and b) send a letter cancelling the previous hosting.
Kudos to the new host! The transfer was seamless!
* Touched base with one client regarding additional work and scheduled it for 1.5-2 weeks out
Progress!
I submitted a resume! The job actually referenced ColdFusion!
Making payment arrangements with Cingular so that they don't cut off my phone. Kind of hard to get a job if people can't call you. Good. Done. Now they cut me off on the first of September.
Making payment arrangements with Cingular so that they don't cut off my phone. Kind of hard to get a job if people can't call you. Good. Done. Now they cut me off on the first of September.
Time to Move
KnoxNews explains why I can't get a technology job here.
Clark Gillespy, who makes his living helping companies figure out where to build new manufacturing plants, was asked how attractive Knoxville is to new industry during a Tuesday luncheon at Club LeConte.
...
"Bio-pharm, high tech - you're at the lower end of the spectrum,"
...
Venture capital: Funding in the $100 million-plus range is required to build a base of growing technology companies, Gillespy said. While tech firms might begin here, he said, "If you want to keep it here, you've got to have enough of a venture capital pool to keep it here."
...
"Bio-pharm, high tech - you're at the lower end of the spectrum,"
...
Venture capital: Funding in the $100 million-plus range is required to build a base of growing technology companies, Gillespy said. While tech firms might begin here, he said, "If you want to keep it here, you've got to have enough of a venture capital pool to keep it here."
So, the old money tightwads are screwing us.
Political
This picture and caption are a perfect example of the stronghanded, Orwellian tactics that the Bush supporters wish to see implemented throughout our country. They are insecure submissives that lack control of their own lives and would happily give up their freedoms to have someone impose control on them. By George [pun] I've figured it out! Pro-Busher's need therapy!!
Love my children
Amy is such a big girl now. It's fun to watch her as she makes decisions. She is eatting her first cheese toast (that I know of) and she goes to her table and pulls her chair out all without a thought never moving her eyes from Dora. Then a big yawn!
Now, don't get me wrong. I think the same thing about each of the children but the older ones often engage me more while they are doing their wonders and I don't get the pleasure of writing about them.
Now, don't get me wrong. I think the same thing about each of the children but the older ones often engage me more while they are doing their wonders and I don't get the pleasure of writing about them.
Poverty- An Insider's View
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be staring at your last roll of toilet paper unsure of what you will do when it is gone? Counting down to the last diaper? Wondering if you should be watering down the milk and apple juice? Intentionally skipping meals to make sure that your children do not go without? Calculating how many miles the car can go before you run out of gas and pondering how many interviews that will get you and if you get a job how many work days you will make before having to tell the boss you don't have transportation? Knowing that you could take the bus but recognizing that the bus requires money that you don't have? Wondering how resumes will get submitted and jobs found for an IT person without an Internet connection?
It's not much fun.
It's not much fun.
Miracle 1
I scavenged enough gas from the lawn mower can to get Cathy to her luncheon meeting and back today.
Now to program for an hour.
Now to program for an hour.
Ugh
The temp agency called to tell me that the client is still reviewing resumes. I'm going to be reviewed into living under a bridge!
Seeking Capital
I have two viable business models that each could separately be very profitable. I had hoped hold onto these and one day with my own investment money grow them as businesses. However, the time has come to share the wealth so angel investors, venture capitalist, and loan sharks step forward! A non-compete and non-disclosure await.
Task Management
I have so much to do that I am often overwhelmed. I will go to my grave with so much undone that I will certainly become histories most restless soul.
I am still using the Covey system of time management (see: "First Things First" by Stephen R Covey) but I am complimenting it with note cards. Each task is written on a note card so that I can only see (and think about) one task at a time. Each task gets a minimum of one very focused hour and then has the option of returning to the bottom of the stack. The tasks do not have to be done in order. Upon completion, the card may be burned.
I am still using the Covey system of time management (see: "First Things First" by Stephen R Covey) but I am complimenting it with note cards. Each task is written on a note card so that I can only see (and think about) one task at a time. Each task gets a minimum of one very focused hour and then has the option of returning to the bottom of the stack. The tasks do not have to be done in order. Upon completion, the card may be burned.
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