I forgot to mention that I unfairly bit into Cathy last night. I try to teach Tommy despite his handicap and I feel I know where his limits are and I frequently push the limits on purpose. I snapped at Cathy telling her "No matter how I treat Tommy I always get lectured. If I am mean to him or if I am nice to him I get lectured." She disagrees with many of my methods and feels that I am always angry with Tommy and that I hate him. I need to try harder to not hear her words as a "lecture" but rather as a request on how to handle Tommy differently for everyone's happiness.
Last night Cathy mentioned that she feels she has to "choose between Tommy and [I]" and that's not fair of me to have put her in that situation.