Funny things that we might see in Denver's future headlines:
- "We had a great school system and then the parents started forgetting to bring their kids to school."
- "Violent crime waaay down man"
- "Horticulturally related enterprises up"
- "Homeland Security Investigates Sudden Rise of Fertilizer Sales in Colorado"
- "Denver population increases from 554636 to 'most of the US' overnight"
- "Denver tax revenues increase exponentially for some unknown reason"
- "Denver tires of the Mile 'High' City joke"
- "In today's irony: Denver paper shortage prompts legalization of large hemp crops"
- "Jay Leno fails to deliver coherent monologue because he was laughing so hysterically"
- "Willie Nelson and Jimmy Buffett jointly open The 420 Karoke Bar and tell Schwarzenegger, Stallone and Willis '[they] can have the planet. We've got Denver!'"
