I woke this morning at 5:30. I was calm and well rested. Then my mind kicked in and realized that I had not intended to sleep. Then it worked up. Instead of rationally getting up and starting my day the panic grew. I had to lie in bed and work through it but it worsened so I hid. My mind retreated to sleep where my panic controlled my dreams. An hour and a half later I woke again with tension still in my chest; my heart feeling like it beats softer; my lungs incapable of taking a full breath.
I have a love/hate of the panic attacks. I have them infrequently now-a-days. I know they are irrational. I know they are counter-productive. I should be able to subdue them. The affect on the mind and body is almost similar to how one would feel after a hard workout or thrill seeking like parachuting or rappelling. I suppose there is an actual adrenaline rush which would explain that feeling.
Time to brew some coffee and try to make up for lost time. Type faster! Faster!
